What Is the Worst Thing You Can Do to a Narcissist to Hurt Them?FFOL Editor 1
Having a narcissist in your life is tough. You might try and seek revenge for the pain and wonder what is the worst thing you can do to a narcissist.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, I have sympathy for you. You might even be to the point in your relationship where you’re wondering what’s the worst thing you can do to a narcissist because you need revenge.
The pain and confusion that this type of relationship causes is without words. I know this because I’ve been there.
I’m not some advice columnist trying to give you basic advice on what to do and what not to do, and I’m not someone trying to give you a ‘it’ll be alright’ speech. It won’t be alright straightaway. There are a million things you shouldn’t do, but if you want to find peace and solace away from this type of relationship, there is only one answer – leave.
Easier said than done, right?
When you love a narcissist
You might love your narcissist. I did. It’s hard to explain how you can love someone who treats you so badly, but that’s the manipulation talking. The gaslighting makes you see past the bad things because you question them so deeply. You think that you’re making them up in your head, that you’re the one who’s being poisonous, by avoiding seeing the good in your partner. [Read: 16 signs your lover is gaslighting and messing with your head]
It couldn’t be further from the truth.
The bottom line is that if you want to try and deal with this relationship you’ve got yourself into, acknowledge that you are indeed in a situation. Understand that it has no future. Once you do that, you can figure out a way to get away from it all, but in the meantime, avoid the worst thing you can do to a narcissist – seek revenge.
The reason it’s hard is because you naturally want to make them feel the same pain that they’re causing you. It’s impossible because they don’t feel in the same way as you, and even if they did, they’re not going to sit back and look over their actions and think ‘hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have done that to them, maybe I was wrong.’ Those words and that type of thinking does not occur within the brain of a narcissist.
The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to try and even the scores
Getting revenge isn’t going to work, you have to understand narcissism deeply.
You’ve probably already figured a lot of this out. A narcissist is suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and there is no cure. Sure, they can be managed, but it means they have to admit there is something wrong in the first place. That’s something a narcissist is NEVER going to do.
As a result, they live with it, and you live with the worst side of it all.
When someone hurts you over and over again, when someone torments you and makes you feel less than yourself, you question what is really going on. At first, you’ll think it’s you and believe the manipulative lies they send your way. Then, slowly, over time, you’ll unpick it and realize ‘hey, I don’t think this is all me’.
The more you question it and analyze it, the more you realize that you just don’t want to feel this way anymore. That is the lightening bolt moment we all need in this situation!
So, you want a way to get out of the situation, but the most natural thing in the world is to try and get revenge on the person who has hurt you and made you feel less than.
When you try and do this to a narcissist, they’re not going to recognize what you’re doing. They’re going to be super-confused, and they’re not going to understand that this is an act of revenge. As a result, they’re going to throw it all back at you and make your life even more of a misery than it probably is. [Read: Narcissistic rage and how to handle it]
Your act will not work. It will backfire on you ten times worse. As a result, you’ll wonder why you wasted your time and energy. On the plus side, it will help to make you realize that you’re doing the right thing by leaving, so at least that cloud has a very firm silver lining.
In addition, the worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to attempt to make them feel guilty or sad for their actions. This is all part of the revenge mission, but they don’t feel in the same way as you and me. They don’t have empathy. Empathy is the core of every type of human feeling we have. When you don’t have empathy, you don’t care about other people, you’re selfish and self-absorbed. You don’t recognize when you’ve hurt someone and even if you did, you wouldn’t care.
So, when you realize this, you understand seeking revenge is a waste of your own time. It’s a far better use of your time to get away.
Hurt the ego, hurt the narcissist
Of course, if we’re really talking about the worst thing you can do to a narcissist in terms of trying to get a reaction, then it is certainly their ego. If you hurt their ego in any way, they will react hard and fast.
You see, narcissists are all about the ego. That is who they are, what they do, what they believe, and the image they want to show to the world. When you question their ego, you’re questioning the foundation on which they’ve built up the image they want to show.
Remember, underneath it all, narcissists have very questionable self-confidence. They rely upon validation from other people to feel good. They put on a fake mask and seek it out, building up their ego brick by brick. [Read: Narcissistic supply – How to stop giving the attention they crave]
When you question it, you’re questioning their existence and worth. As a result, they’re likely to lash out and turn the entire thing around on you. Again, it’s not worth prodding the bear with a stick, because you’re the one who’s going to end up suffering.
The best course of action is to understand your truth and knowing you must leave and focus on yourself. No doubt about it. You’ve spent a lot of time focusing on this person to this point, because that’s what a narcissist makes you do. As a result, you’re lacking confidence, self-worth, and need a little TLC. The best person to give that to you is yourself. [Read: How to make a narcissist regret leaving you]
Is a narcissist a nasty person? This is the eternal question. Remember, a narcissist has a personality disorder. They actually can’t help the way they act in some ways, but it doesn’t make it right. You don’t have to stay and deal with it or be their verbal punchbag. Set yourself free. Spend some time with the person who really deserves you, yourself.
The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is seek revenge or attack their ego. But in the end, what’s the point? Focus on yourself and the life you want to lead. Then plan your escape!