How to Deal with the Hurt When Your Ex Moved On QuicklyFFOL Editor 1
A breakup is hard enough to deal with, but if your ex moved on quickly it feels like a slap in the face. How do you handle the hurt?
When relationships end, we mourn. It is a loss. We grieve that loss. And if we see our ex moved on quickly, it hurts. It isn’t that we necessarily want them to suffer or hurt as much as we do, but knowing that they haven’t moved on yet lets us know that somehow we aren’t alone in all of this.
When you know your ex is still struggling, it reassures you that your relationship mattered to them too. But, when your ex moved on quickly, it can double the pain for you. It can feel like there is something wrong with you or that your relationship didn’t mean as much to them.
So, how do you deal with the fact that your ex moved on quickly?
Are you sure your ex moved on quickly?
When you go through a breakup, your mind goes over everything. Where did things go wrong? You were so happy. What happened? Are they thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about them?
When you are going through a loss like that, you can overanalyze everything. Maybe you think your ex moved on because they aren’t reaching out to you or responding to your texts.
But, everyone deals with a break differently. You may want to talk to them and get closure, while they need to shut down communication and have space to move on. [Read: Is my ex thinking about me? The guide to pick all the right signs]
Maybe they posted a photo on Instagram out at a bar, so you assume they are doing okay when their friends may have had to drag them there. You may have even heard through the grapevine that they hooked up with someone.
But, are you really just overthinking things? I’ve been there.
You’re crying in bed and watching Bridget Jones’s Diary and pigging out on ice cream while scrolling through your feed only to see your ex out with people you don’t recognize. It can feel like a slap in the face.
You assume they just let go of your relationship, and bury yourself deeper into mourning.
The thing is you are letting your feelings blur reality. Just because you hear a rumor or see a photo doesn’t mean you know what is actually going on. Having a rebound, going out drinking, or blocking you from their phone may be their way of dealing with the breakup while yours is overthinking and wallowing in bed.
Unless you know for certain that your ex moved on quickly, there is no need to fret over it. This is your time to move on without dealing with what they’re doing. [Read: 16 signs your ex wants you back and can’t stop thinking about you]
How to deal when your ex moved on quickly
So, you know for sure that your ex moved on quickly and having to face that is almost like going through the breakup all over again.
I know the feeling, but there are ways to handle it that are actually healthy, productive, and don’t make you want to dive into an Instagram stalking hole.
#1 Stay off social media. The worst thing you can do when an ex moved on quickly is to follow their adventures. Whether it is their Instagram or a mutual friend’s post where your ex is in the background talking to some blurry thing and you can’t tell if its a hot person or barstool, just look away.
I know it takes a lot of willpower to control the urge to spy on your ex. But there is nothing about this that will benefit you. You don’t need them to feel miserable for you to be better. You don’t need to know what they’re up to.
The healthier thing you can do is block or mute their online presence and even their phone number if necessary. [Read: These heart healing tricks will soothe you after a breakup]
#2 Realize everyone moves on at different paces. Just like everything in life, there isn’t a clear cut timeline. Not everyone has kids by 30 or is married by 25. Not everyone finishes college in four years or even goes to college. Why would a breakup be any different?
Some people can hide their emotions while others are more expressive. And some people can keep things in the past while others have regrets. You do not need to get over your breakup at the same pace as your ex did.
#3 Know it has nothing to do with you. Just because your ex moved on quickly doesn’t mean they didn’t have feelings for you. It doesn’t mean they didn’t enjoy your relationship. It doesn’t mean they picked this new person over you.
When someone moves on from a relationship quickly, it is about their process, not about you. I know seeing your recent ex with someone new can feel like a punch to the gut. It can be embarrassing and lonely, but it really has nothing to do with you. [Read: Why your now-ex chose someone else over you]
#4 Stop comparing. Moving on from a relationship is not a competition. The person who moves on first isn’t the winner. There is no right or wrong way to move on.
Yes, maybe they moved on quickly, and you feel like you’re trailing behind struggling to get out of bed or delete your couple profile picture. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or wrong. [Read: The 10 stages of a breakup and how to get through each of them]
#5 Don’t hate on the person they’re with. One thing we do when we see our ex move on quickly is attack the person they are with now. I don’t mean physically attack, of course. We mock them with our friends. We judge them. And we send negative vibes to their new relationship.
Not only is that an ugly thing to do, it is unfair and only adds to your negative feelings. This person is innocent. They didn’t hurt you or steal your ex or take your last piece of gum. They are just entering a new relationship with someone that has a past with you.
You don’t need to pray that they’re happy and their relationship thrives, but sending them bad thoughts is only going to bring you down.
#6 You have control over how you react. Life isn’t about how you act but how you react. You have control over what you do. If you see your ex moved on quickly and is in a new relationship, you don’t need to get wasted and drunk text them how much you miss them and how their new partner is ugly or fake.
Don’t lash out. It isn’t healthy or productive. It won’t help you move on or prevent them from moving on. All it does is set you back. Just as bad, faking it. You don’t need to go out and post hot photos of yourself to make your ex think you are over them. It is petty and unnecessary. Actually focusing on moving on, not worrying about what they think will help you handle the whole situation more maturely. [Read: Still thinking of your ex or miss them often? Read this!]
#7 It’s okay to not be okay. There is no rush for you to move on. I know seeing your ex moved on quickly can put pressure on you to catch up, but it is perfectly alright to be upset. You can mourn and face this loss. You can struggle and be sad. It is okay to cry and vent to friends and miss them.
As long as you don’t let those feelings invade your life or control your actions, take as much time as you need to move on.
#8 Enjoy your time being single. Look at the positive aspects of being single. Think about all the things you have time for. Think about what you no longer have to deal with.
Being single isn’t a punishment or something to dread. It is something to celebrate and make the most of.
#9 Have a friend call you out. Venting to a friend about your breakup and the fact that your ex moved on quickly is healthy. But, don’t let it take over your friendship. Ask a friend you trust to call you out when you are getting away from yourself.
I’ve caught my friends and even myself just repeating myself about an ex. When you’re with a friend, enjoy your time not just complaining about your ex taking their new boo on vacation. Overdoing the venting will only occupy your mind even more with your ex and prevent you from moving forward. [Read: How to make it easier to let go of your ex]
#10 Focus on moving on yourself. Instead of worrying about what your ex is doing and how happy they seem, consider your future. You won’t be upset and sad and lonely forever. This time is only temporary.
If you focus on putting yourself back out there even in a subtle way, you can move on too.
Your ex moved on quickly, now what? Well, you can move on too!