A Guide for When Your Boyfriend and Friends Don’t Get AlongFFOL Editor 1
You love both your boyfriend and your friends. They don’t feel the same about each other. Here’s what to do when your boyfriend and friends don’t get along.
It is so amazing to have a boyfriend you love. It is also super amazing to have supportive and loving friends. And it is even better when your boyfriend and your friends get along. But, are you wondering what to do when your boyfriend and friends don’t get along and it’s driving you crazy?
It really is the best of both worlds when they love each other. You want your friends to not just like your boyfriend but to get along with him. You want them to be able to talk when you take a phone call or use the bathroom.
And you want your friends to want your boyfriend to come to group activities. You want your boyfriend to enjoy spending time with you and your friends.
When that doesn’t happen, it can be hard to balance your relationship with your friendships. Not only that, but you wonder why they don’t get along. How could people you like and care about so much not like each other? [Read: Help! My friends don’t like my boyfriend]
Should your boyfriend and friends get along?
Of course, it would be great if your friends and boyfriend got along and were close, and you could all hang out together like Monica and Chandler in Friends. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.
Some people just don’t vibe well. You probably have some friends that don’t necessarily get along. Do you dwell on that? Does everyone in your life need to be close?
If your friends get together and watch The Bachelor and your boyfriend despises the show, it might make sense. If you love to go shopping with your friends and vent about your boyfriend, it is understandable that they wouldn’t click with each other.
We all want our boyfriend and friends to get along. It sure would make things easier and more peaceful, but do they have to? No.
If your boyfriend and friends don’t get along, it isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t mean something is wrong or that you need to ditch one or the other. Some people just don’t get along and that is okay.
[Read: Self-reflective questions to help you stay true to yourself]
Why don’t your boyfriend and friends get along?
As I said, some people just don’t get along. It is okay if your boyfriend and friends aren’t close. It is okay that they don’t get along.
But along with that, they should both be able to meet in the middle for you. They should be able to come together to celebrate your birthday or promotion. Maybe they don’t sit down and chit chat, but they should be able to handle sharing a room for an hour or so.
They may have nothing in common but you. Maybe your boyfriend is a little more straight edge while your friends like to party. That is all fine and well. If it goes beyond just not getting along though, then you may need to figure it out.
Do they just not vibe well? Is it awkward when they try to talk for your sake? These are normal, but if they actually dislike or hate each other, then you should worry.
You respect and appreciate your friends’ opinions, so if they don’t like your boyfriend you deserve to know why. Of course, the best way to answer that is to ask your friends.
[Read: 20 clear signs you’re trying too hard to please people around you]
Do they not like him because he doesn’t treat you well or because they have varying opinions on politics or religion? Do they think he doesn’t make enough money or are they worried he is keeping things from you?
The reasoning for why they don’t like him is important. And it is important that you listen to what they have to say and are open to it. It can be hard for you to accept anything less than stellar about your boyfriend, especially from the friends you wished liked him. But, try.
And the same goes for your boyfriend. If he doesn’t like your friends, you need to know why. As I said, if it is something small like they go out too much or he thinks they’re shallow because they talk a lot about clothes, you can educate him, but if it is something major, it is important to listen.
Here’s what to do when your boyfriend and friends don’t get along
Once you know why your boyfriend and friends don’t get along, you can figure out what you want to do about it.
In some cases, the answer can be simple while in others, you may need to make a difficult decision.
#1 Keep them separate. One somewhat easy thing to do if your boyfriend and friends don’t get along is to keep them separate. You can have a girls’ night out and date nights. If they can handle avoiding each other at events where they both need to be there, this could work.
They should be able to endure some small talk when picking you up or coming together for you. They don’t need to be best friends or even friends.
This can be hard when you want to vent to your friends about your boyfriend and vice versa, but try to find a third outlet. Maybe talk to your sister or another friend that is not in your friend group or maybe hasn’t met your boyfriend. This can give you the venting time you need without the drama. [Read: 13 signs your friends are ruining a perfectly good relationship with your boyfriend]
#2 Try to find common ground. If your boyfriend and friends don’t get along and it’s something minor, try to work through it. You once again don’t need them being best buds but helping find something they have in common can help when it comes to double dates or group outings.
You know them well, so get them talking about the sports team they both like or their hatred for EDM. If nothing else, they can bond over their love for you.
Don’t force them together, but maybe plan a double date or group date bowling. This gives everyone something to focus on while still giving them a chance to get along better. [Read: Starting a new relationship? Follow this checklist for a happy relationship]
#3 Respect their opinions. If you can’t seem to fix the fact that they don’t get along, let it be. Respect your boyfriend’s opinion and your friends’ stance. Don’t get mad at them or accuse them of sabotaging your relationship.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do and that is okay. As long as they aren’t fighting or making things hard for you, you can be friends with people that don’t get along with your boyfriend and vice versa.
#4 Take a walk in their shoes. This can be hard to do but is worth the effort. If you cannot fathom how your friends don’t like this amazing guy, flip the situation. Have you not liked one of their boyfriends or significant others? Why was that? If they had a boyfriend that was doing what they say your boyfriend is, how would you feel?
The same goes for him. Do you like your boyfriend’s friends? Would you want to go out with them? Do you like how they act and the things they do together? [Read: How to accept your boyfriend’s friend and get them to accept you]
Trying to view the situation from their perspective can really help you see things how they really are or at the least how they see them. This can help you understand, so that you can build your plans around them.
#5 Assess your relationship and friendships. Your friends’ and boyfriend’s opinions are valid, but are they accurate? Have you been best friends with someone for so long you didn’t realize they were a bad influence on you or only bringing negativity into your life?
Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t like your friend because she uses you or makes you feel bad about yourself but you just didn’t realize because you’re so comfortable with her. Is it time to let someone toxic go?
Do the same with your boyfriend. Do your friends make some good points when they tell you why they don’t like him? Are you just afraid of being single? Was he great at first, but they say he is possessive and controlling? It can be hard to see these things for ourselves, even when they are pointed out to us. [Read: How to tell if a friend is toxic and bringing unhappiness into your life]
#6 Do you agree? Last but not least, do you agree with what your friends or boyfriend thinks? Is this something you have thought yourself, but you’ve been defensive because you didn’t want to admit it?
It is okay to realize that they are right. I know it can be hard to let someone go. You feel like you failed yourself or should’ve realized sooner. You might even feel guilty. But doing what is best for you is the most important.
[Read: 22 early warning signs that you’re dating a guy who isn’t good for you!]
So, what should you do when your boyfriend and friends don’t get along? Get to the bottom of it and go from there.
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