“Never despair, keep pushing on!” -Sir Thomas Lipton
There are some ways to stay sane while dating. I’m not saying it’s always fun or easy or won’t suck at times. But, don’t let the bad experiences cloud your judgment. Here are at least five ways to stay sane while internet dating.
Dating Sucks, Let’s be Honest
Dating. Don’t you just hate it? Why doesn’t Mr. Right just show up at your door with flowers and a ring one day? I guess he might if he’s a UPS driver, but otherwise the chances are unlikely.
So, like all the rest of us you have ventured into the world of online dating.
Online dating gives you tons of options. Ok Cupid. Match. Tinder. POF. E-harmony. Despite which one you choose, the truth is that it takes an enormous amount of energy to date on the internet. Most of us become overwhelmed at some point. If you are new to online dating it can be a lot of fun. Suddenly you are getting tons of attention and it all seems so fun and exciting. Over time the novelty wears off.
If you have been dating online for some time you may be so frustrated that you want to hire a coach to tell you how to date or how to write your profile or how to get anyone resembling a decent partner. Although hiring someone can be very helpful there are a few cheaper ones.
There are a few ways you can stay sane while going through this process
1. Stay Positive
There is nothing more off-putting than a negative profile or a negative person. Don’t say what you DON’T want. Say what you do want.
For example, instead of saying, “I don’t want a cheater” say, “I am looking for a man who values commitment”.
Don’t say, “I’m tired of disappointments” or “this site is disappointing” as that is sure to turn anyone off. Say, “I’m looking forward to meeting new people” or “Wow, this is quite an adventure.”
Stop saying negative things to yourself, “there are no good men/women out there”. “I won’t find the one”. There are literally BILLIONS of people in the world. Surely you can find a mate.
If you think negative you will bring negative. If you limit your beliefs you will limit your possibilities.
2. Don’t state the Obvious
While writing this story I reviewed a number of posts to see what men and women say they want in their profiles. Honesty seemed to be the number one trait women are looking for.
But really, do you need to state the obvious? Why say, “Looking for an honest man”.
I mean, who thinks you are looking for a cheating, liar. Why even say that?
3. Don’t expect the other person to be honest
I know most dating coaches say, “trust someone until they prove otherwise” and yes, this is true ONCE you are dating them. Before that, all bets are off.
People lie on the internet. They lie about their age, their weight, their marital status, who they are and what they are like. Some lies are harmless, some are not. Just be careful who you believe. Go with your instinct. If it feels wrong, it probably is.
I hate to admit this as it is quite embarrassing but I was in a six month exclusive relationship with a man who turned out to not only have had another girlfriend during the six months, but also a wife and child he somehow forgot about. I knew something was off, but he was super handsome and made me feel special and I fell for his lies.
4. Approach each date as a meeting with a friend
Stop looking for your future husband or wife. Stop trying to make that person be THE ONE after a first date. Be casual. Have fun. Be yourself.
I have dated a number of men from the internet that did not end up as serious partners, but we remained friends because they are great guys, just not great for me. I made a bunch of new friends from dating and what is wrong with that?
Make the process fun and think of it as expanding your horizons. Even if the person you meet isn’t The One, the practice is awesome.
5. Don’t get wrapped up in the outcome
Stop obsessing. Stop worrying. Be confident. Be yourself. When you meet the right person it will work out no matter what.
Concentrate on the person you are with. Be present. Listen and engage.
Yes, you can stay sane while internet dating. Just keep at it because you never know and what do you have to lose?