They say ‘true love conquers all,’ but do you agree? Are there limits when you truly love someone? And how do you even know if it’s the big L?
Love is a strange and complicated thing. It makes you feel sick, stops you from eating and sleeping… And all of this is supposed to make you happy! I’m painting a rather dark picture of what love is, because, of course, love is wonderful. When you find a connection with someone, there are few feelings on the planet which compare. You’d do anything when you truly love someone. Or, would you?
Do you believe that true love conquers all, as they say? I have a little trouble with this saying, if I’m honest. Do I believe you would really do anything when you truly love someone? No. Not anything. I’d do most things, but I wouldn’t do anything.
You’ll do anything for love… but not that
You might be too young to remember this, but in the early 90s, U.S. singer Meatloaf (remember him?) sang a little ditty called “I’d do anything for love (but I won’t do that).” Exactly, Mr. Meatloaf, exactly!
Most agree to considering anything for love, but actually going through and doing it is another thing altogether.
A person who truly loves you would never put you in a position that made you choose between doing something for them and doing something you didn’t agree with, or something you weren’t comfortable with. I know I would never ask my partner to go against their principles simply because of their love for me. If you do, surely it’s not true love on your side?
As you can see, love is complicated indeed!
Do you have boundaries in love?
You can look at this two ways. It might be that your partner isn’t asking anything of you, but you feel like you should. Maybe it’s something they can’t help, such as a health problem and they need a kidney. In that case, of course you’d do it!
I’m talking about things like breaking the law, going against your beliefs, or hurting someone else. These are things I would not do for love, because that would mean going against myself. [Read: These secret signs reveal you’re in a bad relationship]
What are your limits? Or, do you have any when it comes to love? It’s an interesting conversation to have.
When you truly love someone, how do you know?
When you truly love someone, how do you actually know it’s love you’re feeling? Love can easily get confused with lust in the first flourishes of a union, and it can feel extremely powerful indeed. For me, I know I’m in love when I get the sense that the other person’s happiness is on par with mine, or in some cases, perhaps more so.
That’s probably a controversial thing to own up to, because of course nobody else’s happiness is more important than yours, but when you truly love someone, there are times when you consider their happiness to be higher up on the priority list than your own. Right or wrong, we all feel it. Whether we act on it is a different matter, but for me, that’s how I know it’s the big L I’m feeling.
All of that ‘I can’t stop thinking about them’, ‘I can’t eat’, ‘I can’t sleep’, for me that’s not love. That’s infatuation, and it’s normally in the first stages after meeting them or starting up a ‘thing.’ Many people confuse that with love, but it’s totally different. Love goes beyond that, love means you would actually consider doing anything. [Read: 14 easy ways to tell the difference between love and infatuation]
This is why this subject matter is so important to discuss. Considering doing anything for love (there’s Mr. Meatloaf again), and actually doing it is the line between losing yourself and maintaining your identity. Again it depends what the ‘anything’ actually is, but you have to keep a part of yourself back when you are in any type of relationship.
Your partner should always want the same for you. You should want the same for your partner. We’re not supposed to lose who we are when we are in a relationship, we’re supposed to be an enhanced version! That is something many people forget.
Let me tell you a story
Recently, I’ve been a witness to this very issue. A friend of mine has been in a relationship for the last year, and I admit many of us have our doubts about it. She is with a person who is controlling, but she is so head over heels in love *or something* that she cannot see it. We support her because we are her friends. Recently, her partner asked her to quit her job, because the hours were making it difficult for them to spend a lot of time together.
Now, our friend loves her job. She has worked hard to achieve this job, and she is very good at it. Did she leave?
Her defense was that she had enough failed relationships in her past, she wanted this one to work. She said she could see his point, and that she could easily find another role which had less hours, which she enjoyed as much. She deemed the sacrifice worth it.
Now, she’s working in a similar job, but she doesn’t enjoy it as much. Plus, she seems to be home on her own more than home with her partner.
In this case, I do not agree with doing anything for love. [Read: Healthy relationship expectations to define a good love life]
What do you think?
Sacrifice shouldn’t be to the detriment of your life, and it certainly shouldn’t be one sided. Love is hard enough without adding in demands which take the joy out of the things you’ve worked hard for. It’s certainly not worth sacrificing your happiness for either.
There is a major difference between considering their happiness slightly more important than yours on one occasion, e.g. when you have to cancel a night out with friends because they’re sick, and doing it on a constant basis. Why should your partner always be smiling and get what they want, when you’re the one doing all the sacrificing and compromising? For me, that’s not love. When you truly love someone, you should never even consider allowing them to do this for you either. [Read: 16 discreet signs you’re being taken for granted by the one you love]
The ability to know when someone is asking too much of you and when it’s a natural thing you do when you truly love someone comes with age. Sad but true. When I was younger I probably did far more for my partner than I should have. I gave and gave and gave, simply because I was scared they’d leave me if I didn’t. I look back now and feel sad for that girl. Where was my self-respect? Where was my pride? [Read: How self respect plays a big part in your relationship]
I now know the difference between what I should and shouldn’t do in a relationship, and I think this is something which most people also realize as they have experiences which unfortunately cause a little hurt along the way.
When you truly love someone, would you do anything for them? It’s a real conversation to have with yourself. By knowing your limits, you’ll save yourself hurt and confusion in the future.