Dating, flirting, and crushing is complicated. So, what do you do when she rejected you but still acts interested?
We have all been there. You get a straight answer, but then things get fuzzy. You ask out a female friend, a co-worker, or even a girl at the bar, she rejected you but still acts interested. Is she playing hard to get? Does she want you to keep trying? Or is she just being nice and friendly?
Lucky for you, I’m here to unravel the clues so you can see the truth behind her motives when she rejected you but still acts interested.
She rejected you, but who was she?
There is a lot to say about a rejection. Most of the time when a girl declines your advances, your invite, or even a drink she means it. But, what is your current relationship with her?
If you just met her at a club or bar, she almost definitely means no. If you share a friend group and she says she is not interested, she would want to prevent things from getting awkward. And if you work together, she may not want to get a reputation or get involved with someone at work.
Take all these things into account when your move has been declined, but she still seems interested. [Read: Tips for how to make a move on a girl from a girl]
Is she really still acting interested?
This is where flirting gets complicated. Reading signs can be hard to do. Is she just friendly and polite or actually acting interested?
We can trick ourselves into believing someone is interested when really they are just being nice. So, is she really acting interested after she rejected you?
Women are conditioned from a young age to always be polite to men. Even after or during a rejection, we are taught to be respectful and ladylike. If we turn someone down outright, things can get uncomfortable for us.
So, think about how she is acting in those terms. Is she actually acting interested or is there another reason she would smile and laugh at your jokes?
Do you work with her? If so, she may just want to keep things cordial around the office. If you are in a higher position than her, she doesn’t want to ruffle feathers.
If you just met her and she declined your advance but continues to flirt, she may just want to enjoy her night out. That doesn’t mean she wants anything to continue further than that evening.
Do you share a friend group? Well, she probably sees you as a friend. You may be overanalyzing her behavior and convincing yourself she acts interested when she is just being friendly. [Read: Is she playing hard to get or does she just want you to go away]
Signs she is interested
Acting interested and being interested are not always the same thing. Just because you think she comes across as interested doesn’t mean she actually is.
Yes, you should take her words seriously. She said no and she probably has a good reason for doing so, so you respect that. Perhaps she isn’t ready to date, she doesn’t want to get involved with a friend or coworker, it could be anything. But, if she does these things, she may be reconsidering.
#1 She touches you. When a woman has already rejected you and means it, she will avoid touching you. She does not want to lead you on. Trust me, women do not want attention from someone they are not interested in.
If you hug her and she doesn’t pull away, that is not her being interested. But if you are out and she touches your arm while talking, touches your knee, or leans into you she may be interested. She also could just be seeing how she feels being closer to you, but either way, the door may not be fully closed. [Read: 20 types of physical touch and what they all mean]
#2 Her phone isn’t front and center. When a woman avoids someone she rejected, she will be glued to her phone. She will be texting, scrolling through Instagram, or just staring at the time.
But, if she is actually still interested after rejecting you, she give her undivided attention. She will make eye contact and interact with you. If you are talking and she is just nodding and looking at her phone, she is not interested. So, don’t fool yourself.
#3 She seeks you out. A woman who rejected you will likely avoid you to prevent awkwardness. But, if she seeks you out at work, via text, or any other way she may still be wondering if she is interested.
If she rejected you, she probably hasn’t made up her mind. But if she continues to reach out, she may be trying to get to know you better before deciding.
Remember, just because she shows these signs of interest it does not mean she owes you something. She is not teasing you or leading you on. She probably isn’t sure how she feels either. Give her time. If she is interested she will make it known.[Read: 18 hints a girl will drop your way if she’s still interested]
What to do when she rejected you but still acts interested
Okay, so you have been rejected. Sorry. That sucks. In most cases, you would just move on. But if she still acts interested you are confused. Should you try again? Should you wait for her to make a move?
There are a couple of things you can do in this situation. Of course, I have already told you what her acting interested can mean, as well as signs she is actually interested. So let’s move on to your next step.
#1 Do NOT assume. As I said earlier, but I will repeat because it is so important. Do not assume that she is interested. Her politeness or friendliness can be misinterpreted as flirting or intrigue especially from a man who doesn’t want to hear no. [Read: 11 signs she’s clearly not interested in dating you]
#2 Accept the rejection. Now, I do not want to accuse you of being this type of guy, but you may not even be aware of it if you are. Many guys *trust me, I have experienced it*, do not take no as no. In fact, they take it as a challenge.
Many men try to change your mind or convince you why you should accept a date. They will say they are a nice guy, they will say it’s just one date, what is the worst that could happen? Do not do this.
If she says no and still acts interested, trust her words. Maybe she is still interested, but it is not your place to push her. If her interest grows to her actually wanting to go out with you, she will let you know. [Read: The steps to take to show respect toward women]
#3 Ask her. If you really like this girl and are stuck in limbo, I get it. Uncertainty around her feelings prevents you from moving on. You want to take what she said at face value, but her behavior implies something else.
If you can’t just accept the rejection and continue a friendship without driving yourself nuts, just ask her. Don’t be pushy or defensive. I know it can feel vulnerable to just be so frank about it, but that is the only way you will get your final answer. [Read: 13 signs she’s an attention whore and just using you for attention]
Just tell her that you know she rejected you and you respect that, but are getting vibes that she may be interested. You want to be sure before moving on. She will either tell you she is interested but not ready to do anything about it or apologize for giving you that impression.
Yes, maybe she just needed some time to realize she was interested and will change her mind, but that is unlikely. I am sorry to burst your bubble, but she isn’t playing hard to get. And on the off chance that she is, you don’t want to be with someone who plays games with your feelings.
If she rejected you but still acts interested, the odds are you are reading into her behavior and she isn’t actually interested. It is time to move on.