The dating game is a confusing one, but if you’re finding yourself regularly ghosted, it’s…
Having sex with someone new is exciting, but it can be awkward and uncomfortable. But there are things you can do when having sex in a new relationship.
Whatever you see in movies or read in books about sex in a new relationship, stop, just stop. I’ve had one experience that I could say was even close to resembling a Hollywood sex scene. The rest of them were filled with sweat, queefs, laughs, and, honestly, awkward moments. But it’s two people having sex, what did you expect?
When you’re sleeping with someone that you’ve been with for months or even years, things can become routine. But when you have sex in a new relationship, it’s exciting and full of opportunities for awkwardness. So, what are you going to do?
Well, what you should do is calm down. Be happy that you’re having sex with someone! When you’re with someone new, you’re learning this person’s body. You haven’t experienced their body before, you don’t know what they like, what turns them on and vice versa. [Read: The most embarrassing questions about sex we’re too afraid to ask]
The awkward wonders of sex in a new relationship
You both are entering something that you’re clueless on. So chill. If you’re considering sex with someone new, you’ve come to the right place.
If you follow these simple rules, you’ll be able to get through the first-time experience of having sex in a new relationship. Because you’re going to have sex with your partner eventually.
#1 You don’t need to have sex right away. Here’s the thing, you don’t need to have sex right away in order to build a connection with your partner. Sex is a big part of the relationship, that’s for sure, but it’s not something that’s an absolute necessity right away. Building a connection can happen through sex, but it also needs to happen through communication and other forms of intimacy. [Read: How long should you wait before having sex?]
#2 There’s no right way. Okay, your friends may be telling you one thing and your parents may be telling you another, but here’s the thing, there’s no actual rule to when you should start having sex in a new relationship.
What you actually need to do is talk about this with your partner. Yeah, I know it sounds awkward, but if you can’t talk about it, then don’t have sex.
#3 How long do you want to wait? As a couple, you have a few options. You can do it immediately, wait a couple of dates, wait a couple of months, or wait until marriage. You probably know how long you wish to wait, now depending on who you are, your preference may differ from your partners.
In other words, you may want sex now, while they want to wait a couple of months. This is when you both need to agree on what feels comfortable for each other. [Read: How many dates before sex? The complete guide to pull it off]
#4 It’s not going to be mind-blowing right away. This is important. Even if you have amazing chemistry, that doesn’t mean the sex is going to be good. I dated a guy that was an amazing kisser, it blew my mind. But once we took it to the next level, it was a complete let-down. Now, for us, the sex never became better because he didn’t want to talk about it. But, if you can talk about it and acknowledge it, you both can work on it.
#5 You need to state your needs. If you don’t tell your partner what you like, then they won’t know what you’re into. You need to tell your partner what you’re into and if you have any fetishes. This isn’t weird or abnormal, this is sexuality and literally, everyone is aroused by different things. So, talk about it. [Read: Sleeping with someone new for the first time – 13 must-follow rules]
#6 Save the kama sutra for another day. I know you want to show off your moves, but you don’t have to do that right away. You can save the flexible moves for another day. You’re going to have plenty of time experimenting. Right now, you want to perfect the basic moves, if you get what I’m saying. Plus, if you show everything you have right away, it’s going to be harder to spice things up.
#7 Compliment your partner. Listen, it’s going to take some time for your partner to learn what you like and vice versa. You may end up having amazing sex right off of the bat but for many people, it doesn’t happen like that.
It’s usually awkward, you’re self-conscious, and it’s just okay. But the sex is going to improve with time. So, instead of making a pouty face, compliment your partner on what you liked. That way, they get the hint. [Read: How to get rid of sexual insecurity and improve your sex life]
#8 If you can’t talk to them about sex, should you have sex with them? This is really an important question to ask. In all honesty, this may sound old-fashioned, but if you’re not comfortable enough to talk to your partner about sex, then you should wait until you have sex.
This is usually a good way to weigh out whether or not you should sleep with someone. Are you comfortable talking about this with them?
#9 Talk about contraception. When you’re having sex in a new relationship, there are a couple of things to cover, and contraception is one of them. No one wants to contract an STI or become pregnant. Literally, this is no one’s dream. So, before even having sex, you need to talk about this. Condoms? Birth control? What are you going to use for protection when having sex?
#10 Embrace the awkward moments. Sex isn’t fancy, it’s not clean, and it doesn’t run smoothly. Rather, sex is rough, it’s messy, and there are going to be some awkward moments. But you’re going to have to accept that you’re both human and these things are bound to happen.
They’ll continue to happen regardless of who you’re with. So, embrace these moments and share a laugh. [Read: The awkward things that can happen when you have sex]
#11 Foreplay is key. When you’re about to have sex, you just want to get to penetration, but don’t. You need to focus on foreplay. Take more time with making out, oral sex, and getting acquainted with each other’s bodies.
Think of foreplay as school. If you rush, you ruin the opportunity of highly arousing the both of you and that’s when the sex is really good. Plus, this is your time to see what your partner likes in foreplay.[Read: The 14 stages of a budding new relationship]
When you’re in a new relationship, you’re excited to say the least. But listen, you don’t need to rush sex in a new relationship. Take your time and enjoy being with your new partner.