Relationship Doubts: How to Recognize Them & Make the Right Decision

Having relationship doubts is part of dating. It is human nature to second guess ourselves and our partners, but you can put those doubts to bed.

Relationship doubts are a normal part of any relationship. We all question our trust in others on occasion. And if you have been burned in the past, you may even question your own judgement.

Having relationship doubts is not a fun feeling. But having doubts does not mean your relationship is doomed. At least not all the time. [Read: 15 reasons why most couples get bored with their relationship]

When relationship doubts become relationship doomed

Although having relationship doubts is totally normal, they can get out of hand. If your doubts go above and beyond questioning here and venting there, you may have more than doubts.

If your doubts are more like intense jealousy or a complete lack of trust in your partner, all the communication in the world won’t solve your problem. Doubts come from within ourselves, but if you can’t overpower the negative thoughts and have faith in your relationship at the end of the day, you may have some serious trust issues.

And those sit with you for a long time until you face them on your own.

How to tell if your relationship doubts are more than doubts

If your relationship doubts surface once in a while and pass quickly, you may just be having a rough time with your partner. But if your doubts are constant and tend to hang around and lead to fights and aggression, they may be actual problems.

So if your doubts make you do more than hesitate when change comes along or need some time to yourself, you may have doubts within yourself. Questioning your relationship and its longevity is normal. But questioning yourself or your partner’s behavior consistently could be a real problem that needs to be addressed. [Read: Can you overcome resentment in a relationship?]

What are severe relationship doubts?

If your relationship doubts sound anything like these, there may be a bigger problem in your relationship than just a bit of second guessing. So if these sound familiar to you, it may be time to rethink some things.

#1 You doubt your partner’s honesty. This could be due to your relationship history or your partner’s behavior. But if it is a consistent worry you have, then trust is a serious problem. And that requires more than just one conversation.

If you have talked to your partner about this and nothing was solved or even helped to soothe your doubt, this may not be a healthy relationship. [Read: Steps to telling your partner you’re unhappy]

#2 You doubt your safety in this relationship. One of the most vital parts of a lasting relationship is that you feel safe with this person, both emotionally and physically. But if they have caused you to fear for your safety through violence or aggression, it is time to turn those doubts into a breakup, immediately. [Read: The signs of a controlling person you need to break up with]

#3 You doubt their loyalty. Cheating is something that nearly everyone worries about. But if you have no actual reason for this doubt in your partner’s behavior, you may have some residual fear from past relationships that you need to work on.

On the other hand, if your partner consistently comes home late, lies about where they are, or is very private this may be a cause for concern more so than doubt.

#4 You doubt the love. Whether you have been together for a long time and have both grown separate ways or something just feels off, this could be a bigger problem. Questioning whether you love your partner or if they love you can be a big red flag.

If you are unsure of your feelings, you have something to think about. But if they have given you a reason to believe they do not have your best interest at heart, they may be more interested in controlling you than loving you.

#5 You doubt your happiness. Although relationships take hard work, at the end of the day they should add more joy to your life than misery. And if you are doubting how happy your partner makes you, it may be time for a break or even a break up.

We tend to get comfortable in relationships and overlook our own happiness. But if you are doubting the joy your relationship should bring to your life, things may be worse than you thought.

If any of your doubts sound like these, it is time to contemplate the future of your relationship. [Read: Clear signs you’ve passed the point of no return and need to break up]

What are normal relationship doubts?

Normal relationship doubts are ones that most couples stumble upon throughout their relationship. It is common to question big changes. And if your doubts sound anything like these, you should be in the clear. The best way to deal with any of these is with open and honest communication.

#1 You doubt moving forward. When a big change is made or a big step is taken in a relationship, there is almost always doubt on one end, if not both. That means getting a pet together, moving in, getting married cause you to second guess.

All of these things require a major commitment and fear is a part of that for everyone. There is always a risk in love. But if you look at your relationship and know you have only ever been happy and cared for and respected, you may just be letting fears get the best of you.

How to face this relationship doubt?

Talk about it. This can mean venting to a trusted friend or even a parent. Talk to someone who has been where you are, and they may be able to offer some advice. And if you can’t shake the doubt that easily, talk to your partner.

In order not to worry them, make sure they know you love them, but are just feeling scared. Let them know you have no plans to walk away, you just wanted them to know how you were feeling. Most likely, they are feeling the same. And if not, they should be able to reassure you.

#2 You doubt your own judgement. If you have ever been lied to or cheated on, you may question your own judgement regularly. I’ve been there. You know your partner has given you no legitimate reason to worry, but you do anyway. You wonder if you should say something or keep your mouth shut so you don’t sound like a jealous loon.

But if you can analyze that worry and realize it is brought on by past experiences and not who you are with now, you just need some time to adjust to being in an honest relationship. [Read: 13 steps to let go of relationship insecurity and learn to love more]

How to face this relationship doubt?

When you are struggling to trust yourself, time can help. Getting used to being with someone you don’t have to question, takes some time. But if you can’t shake that fear alone, share it with your partner.

Let them know that you do trust them and know they have given you nothing less than 100% confidence in their loyalty, but you can’t help but question yourself because you have been fooled before. They should understand that this does not reflect on your relationship. In fact, having this talk can help you grow stronger as a couple.

Instead of feeling attacked or angry, your partner should comfort you and be happy to continue to do so until you gain more trust in yourself.

#3 You doubt your relationship after a fight. All couples fight. It is a healthy part of any relationship. People disagree and things can get heated. Unfortunately that often means saying things you might regret and taking some time apart to cool off.

And doubting you and your partner’s compatibility after an argument is common. You question if this fight is the end of your relationship. You wonder if you are too different or want different things. But often fights are brought on by everyday stress and may not mean as much as you think.

How to face this relationship doubt?

Cool off and look back. After a fight tensions run high. So before overthinking take some time to relax. Make sure you are calm before talking to your partner. Likely, you will both apologize for what you said in the heat of the moment and learn for next time. [Read: The biggest dos and don’ts in a relationship argument]

#4 You doubt your attraction. Once you have been together for a while, many couples get into a rut. Whether that be having the same dull date night or having sex on a schedule. You may even notice yourself checking out other people.

All of that does not mean your relationship is doomed, just that you are getting comfortable. And that is not a bad sign.

How to face this relationship doubt?

In this situation what you need to do is bring the spark back. Recreate the magic you had in the beginning. Do something spontaneous and romantic. It only takes one of you to make a move to bring the attraction back. [Read: 30 naughty questions for couples to bring the sexy spark back]

#5 You doubt your future. This is a biggie. Doubting the future is something we all do, in a relationship or not. No one can foresee the future or plan out every little thing. So that uncertainty can cause relationship doubt.

What if you don’t always want the same things? Maybe one of you gets a job offer overseas. What if… What ifs are never healthy for a relationship. Those questions cannot be answered. So having faith in your relationship and trust in your partner is how you will get through any obstacles that do come up. [Read: How to choose the right path for you in your relationship]

How to face this relationship doubt?

Once again. Talk to your partner. Let them know where your head is at. They may very well be wondering about the same things, which can actually give you peace of mind that you are on the same page. Although nothing can be done about the future, except for focusing on the now, knowing you have the same focus is important.

[Read: 15 reasons why you may be getting bored with your relationship]

When it comes to relationship doubts, they are often disguising a simple case of cold feet. But they can also be a sign of something more serious. Use these doubts, find out where you really stand, and make that decision.