Ghosting; the bane of modern dating. We know it sucks, but how do you handle it when he doesn’t text back for days at a time?
We have all been there. You have been talking to a guy regularly. You get used to receiving a good morning text and feel a real connection. And then all of a sudden nothing. So, what recourse do you have when he doesn’t text back for days at a time?
At first, you assume he’s just busy. Then you notice he’s on Instagram so you reach out while keeping your cool. But still, he never answers. 24 hours go by and you start to wonder what is going on while still holding out hope he’ll text you tomorrow saying sorry.
But, an apology never comes, and two more days go by. You want to reach out and be like, “WHAT THE HECK?!” but you don’t want to seem crazy. You convince yourself you don’t need to talk to him every day and that dropping off the face of the earth with no warning is normal. But it is really eating away at you and making you feel like crap.
Well, if you are wondering how I know so much about how you’re feeling, it is because I have been there, not once, not twice, but more times than I could count. It is a male dating specialty to not text back for days. And it makes you feel so shitty.
Not only do you feel like your deep and meaningful conversations were all a sham, but you question yourself. You wonder if you said or did something wrong. Does he have a girlfriend you don’t know about? You wonder if he was murdered and lying in a ditch somewhere or if he is just a major jerk.
Well, I can tell you right now. He is just a major jerk. And there is one way to handle a guy like that. Well, maybe two or three, but they all have the same outcome.
What to think when he doesn’t text back for days
Let’s get this straight right here and now. Him not texting you back for days does not reflect on you at all. I know that is how it feels, but it doesn’t.
When he doesn’t text back for days, it shows his true character. You did nothing wrong. You are amazing.
Remind yourself that his disrespectful behavior is his. And this is not something happening to you. This is not something you deserve.
The way you react to this is what will make you stronger on the outside and the inside. When he doesn’t text back for days, do not retreat into yourself and delve into your insecurities.
Instead, focus on all that is amazing about you. Think about how dense he must be to not be texting you. Do not try to make excuses for him unless he is working as a volunteer doctor in a country without wifi or something like that, but apart from that, there is no excuse.
This may be too harsh or blunt for some, but I always say that if he has time to take a shit, he has time to text you back. He could easily say, “Sorry I’ve been so busy at work today,” and done.
That simple text that takes all of five seconds to write and send would ease your anxiety and give you peace of mind. But, the fact that he hasn’t done that tells you all you need to know about him. [Read: 15 reasons why guys ghost and turn into cowardly pricks]
The next thing you need to think about is the future. Instead of dwelling on all the amazing conversations you had before he didn’t text back for days, think about the future. If you were to move forward with him, is this lack of respect going to be your new normal?
If he doesn’t text you back for days, does what does that mean for things that may come up in the future? Will he stand you up or be an hour late to meet your parents? Will he keep his word?
A guy not texting back for days is a major red flag for any potential relationship. And I know what you’re thinking… he’s not good at texting. Just that thought makes me facepalm. [Read: Why did he stop texting me? 13 rules you should follow]
Everyone’s comfortable with a phone now, and really, no one is bad at texting. My nearly 70-year-old dad texts back. The bottom line is, if he is thinking about you, he would be texting you. And I’m so sorry this is brutal, but if he isn’t texting you he isn’t thinking about you. That is it plain and simple.
I do not mean to upset you, but you know how they say that’s show business to actors who get rejected on auditions? Well, I’d have to say, that’s modern dating. It just happens, and it has no reflection on how amazing you are.
You deserve better. [Read: How to respond to rejection and do the right thing even if it hurts]
What to do when he doesn’t text back for days
Now that you know what to think when he doesn’t text back for days, let’s focus on what to do. Do you want to let him know that you deserve more respect than that? Would you rather not give him the satisfaction?
Well, depending on your personality and your level of annoyance at this jerk, there are a couple of things you can do when he doesn’t text back for days.
#1 Move on. Simply forget about him. I know it won’t be easy, but you will do it. Focus on yourself. Enjoy the people in your life that do reach out and treat you how you deserve. Don’t bother telling him he disrespected you. [Read: How to know when to stop texting a guy – Did you text too much?]
#2 Tell him off. It may not be the most mature way to handle it, but we all deserve to let off that steam. Go ahead and type that text message telling him that he is a jerk who will be alone forever because of how he treats women.
Tell him you deserve to be with someone that actually cares and puts in even more than the small amount of effort needed to text. Just writing it up will make you feel better, there is no need to send it. But, if you want to, go ahead. Just be prepared for no response or a defensive one. [Read: When a guy stops texting you – The sad, mad and pissed off girl’s guide]
#3 Keep it simple. If you don’t want to release your annoyance for his lack of respect so fully, simply say something like, “Listen I’ve had a great time talking to you, but I need someone who keeps in touch and wants to talk to me. Clearly, that’s not you, so good luck with everything.”
There you have a cordial way of telling him he was a jerk and you deserve better. This is sort of a passive way of letting him know his behavior was unacceptable. [Read: How to stop feeling ignored by someone you love]
#4 Don’t let him make excuses. Some guys who don’t text back for days will offer an excuse. They may say they didn’t know it was that serious, or they were actually busy, or their phone broke. But you are smarter than that.
You know if he wanted to reach out, he would have found a way. There are about 10 different ways to contact someone online, so if he cared enough to, he would have. He may try to save face, but don’t let his lies sway you. [Read: 15 kickass ways to ghostbust a ghoster like a real badass]
#5 Never do that to anyone else. Okay, this may not offer you a way to deal with when he doesn’t text back for days, but it will keep you in a good headspace. Next time you are talking to a guy you don’t like, instead of not responding when things get dull or you’re no longer interested, let him know.
If that is the respect you want, it is what you have to give to the world too.
So, when he doesn’t text back for days, forget about him. You deserve better and you know it.