One of the most highly researched things in the field of psychology is why and…
As your relationship progresses, you become comfortable with each other. However, what if you become complacent in a relationship? Are you losing interest?
The worst possible thing you can do is to be complacent in a relationship. There’s no excuse in the book that excuses complacency, no matter how many years it’s been. When you become complacent in a relationship, you take your partner for granted.
You automatically assume that they’re always going to be there and that they’ll always provide for your needs. But you need to remember that complacency is what causes neglect in any type of relationship, even a marriage.
When this happens, the relationship becomes dull and empty. As much as you masy assume routine and boredom is part of long term love, you need to know that complacency is one of the factors why relationships just fall apart.
Has the magic worn off your relationship?
After you’ve been in a relationship for a certain amount of time, the magic tends to wear off just a little. You no longer get butterflies when they walk into a room, and small things bother you a little more. While it’s easy to be complacent in a relationship, that doesn’t mean you should.
The thing about relationships is that after some time, the chemistry and sparks will eventually fade. This is why love is a choice, rather than a feeling. If you base your relationship on the butterflies you feel in your stomach, you won’t ever go past the first few months.
Complacency is a dangerous road
Not only is it dangerous for your relationship, but it can also cause your partner to question why they’re still with you in the first place. Nobody deserves to feel like they’re taken for granted, but it’s the result of being complacent in a relationship.
The main problem of complacency is compared to the love you make your partner feel when everything was new, it’s so far from how you treat them now. Complacency causes you to take what you have for granted until one day, they end up possibly walking away all because you neglected them.
Signs you’re becoming complacent in a relationship
No one intends to take their partner for granted or let things slip. However, complacency is a dangerous illness that sneaks into relationships without much warning. You never really intend to be complacent in a relationship, until you’re already doing it.
If you want to maintain the happiness and contentment you’re feeling in your relationship, you should do everything in your capabilities to avoid complacency.
Take a look at all the signs you’re becoming complacent in your relationship, and how you can correct them along the way.
1. You can’t remember your last date night
If you can’t remember the last time you went on a date night, ask yourself why. No matter how many years you’ve been together, date night is very important. It gives you time to spend together without any distractions to get in the way of feeling loved.
Especially when one of you or your partner’s love language is quality time, date nights are one of the ways to give or receive love.
If you don’t, everything becomes very samey and boring, allowing resentment to sneak into the equation. And it’s easy for a relationship to become boring when you don’t at least give a portion of your time to date them.
Take control and plan a night out. Make it a surprise for maximum impact. Go somewhere fun, somewhere you both enjoy, and make a night of it. This will both remind you of the sparks and chemistry you used to have during the first stage of your relationship.
2. You haven’t taken a vacation together for a long time
Getting away from your normal surroundings and exploring a new place is a great way to connect and make memories. And it’s a great way to rekindle the sparks you once shared in your relationship as well!
When you travel somewhere that’s different from your current environment, it also allows you to have fun with your significant other.
After all, they’re not just your partner, but they’re also your best friend – at least, they should be. You don’t have to be planning vacations regularly, but taking a trip once every while is good for your relationship.
Maybe you could take a trip on your anniversary or Valentine’s Day. Sit down with your partner and initiate a conversation about where you might like to go. Once a few suggestions start flowing, make a plan and go!
3. You don’t tell your partner what’s going on in your life
Your partner should fall nothing short of your best friend, which means they should be the first person you run to when something bad happens. Lost your job, had a rough day, struggling with anxiety? Your partner should be the first person that comes to your mind.
If you don’t approach them with the important details of your life, it’s a sign of complacency.
Yes, you have friends, but your partner should be your first choice in telling both good and bad news. Are you confiding in your friends more than your partner? Do you go home and talk about your day?
If you keep things from one another, even if you don’t mean to, you’re on a slippery slope towards relationship failure.
Communication is essential to any relationship and when you hide even your feelings from your partner, this can result in the downward spiral of your relationship. Stop assuming that your partner won’t care or they won’t listen.
How would you know if you’re not even giving them that chance? Of course, be careful not to moan about things that really don’t matter, like gossip or small talk when they seem occupied, and instead stick to the events and fun quirky things that happened in the time you’ve been at work or away.
4. Your sex life has taken a nosedive
As you get further into a relationship, it’s totally normal for your sex life to calm down a little. However, that doesn’t mean you should stop trying altogether. Your sex life isn’t just sex – it’s also a way to connect in a way that words and actions can’t do.
When you’re noticing your sex life decline gradually or be gone altogether, it can be a sign of being complacent in a relationship. Simply put, one or both of you are no longer trying to create that spark in your physical intimacy. Maybe it’s become too much of a routine or it became boring.
However, this is no excuse to stop trying. In fact, it’s reason to try even harder. Couples need that sexual connection to be as close as possible.
Spicing up your sex life could also be all it takes to get your relationship back to its former glory. Maybe you could book a weekend getaway or a staycation for a weekend to get your sex life back on track.
5. You take things out on them
As you get comfortable with someone, there’s no longer the need to keep putting your best foot forward. However, it’s not a good sign when you notice yourself snapping at them or taking things out on them.
Complacency doesn’t just mean you stop trying, but it means you stop caring about showing your love to your partner. No matter how many years it’s been, you shouldn’t treat your partner like absolute crap. It’s not your partner’s fault you had a bad day.
If you open up and talk about things rather than shout and act out, you’ll probably be able to forge a closer connection as a result. You can’t keep projecting your bad mood and unresolved issues to your partner whenever you feel like it. They’re not with you to be your emotional punching back.
6. You don’t feel as close to your partner as you used to
When taking someone for granted, distance shows. We’re not just talking about physical distance, but we’re talking about the worse kinds of distance – the emotional and mental distance. You feel a wall between the both of you that no matter how hard you try, you can’t break through.
It’s almost like someone stands between you and pushes you apart physically. Sometimes this distance can become too great and cause a breakdown of the relationship. Even if you’re physically together, this distance can make you feel so alone that it actually hurts.
This is a concrete sign that you’ve been complacent in a relationship for too long and both of you just got used to that kind of setup. You’re in a relationship, but the connection and intimacy feel void and null. If you notice that you don’t feel as close, question why.
Then, make it a priority to do more things together, and perhaps spice up your sex life a little, and bring the closeness back once more. There are always things you can do to break that wall, but you have to be willing to try.
7. Arguments are on the rise
If you’re becoming complacent, chances are, the small things will start to cause problems. You start to fight about the little things, which then become the big things. When arguments and arrogance become stronger than the love you share, that’s when you can be sure you’re complacent in a relationship.
While it’s normal for a couple to argue from time to time *in fact it’s healthy to a degree*, it’s not normal or healthy for it to be a common occurrence, and especially over small things that really don’t matter.
You need to remember that your love for each other is bigger than any fight, and you should choose the importance of the relationship over your ego.
8. The spark has just disappeared
A big sign you’re becoming complacent in a relationship is that it just doesn’t feel the same. Even though sparks can fade at any given time, you’re not supposed to just give up. If you don’t feel any sparks, then you should exert more effort instead of incorporating more complacency in your relationship.
There are so many ways you can bring back the spark of your relationship without giving up. This means spending time with your partner or maybe even getting to know them better.
The loss of sparks isn’t the end of the world. Before you decide to walk away because of how boring your relationship has become, try making the effort to save it first.
9. You feel like you’re settling
The last thing anyone would want to feel in a relationship is that they’re settling for less. When you feel this way, then you’re already complacent in a relationship. Or worse, you’re giving up on it. You begin to wonder if you could do better or if someone out there is more fitted to be with you.
It’s not that you want to cheat, but your mind begins to wonder about other possibilities. Unless you’ve decided to walk out already, you need to change this mindset and focus on the relationship you have right now.
Your problems won’t be fixed by jumping into the assumption that you’re settling. Instead, why don’t you try giving your partner the love they deserve? Spoil them, give them your time, surprise them! It doesn’t take a lot of energy and expense to make your partner happy.
10. You lack affection
Again, after a significant period, it’s normal for your affection for one another to not be as consistent. You no longer can’t keep your hands off each other, but your love settles into warmth.
However, if you no longer show your affection to one another even in simple ways like a kiss on the lips or saying you love them, then you’re being complacent in a relationship. No matter what, don’t let yourself become lazy in showing how much the other person means to you.
Otherwise, you never know, they could walk away and you’d lose them forever – all because you took them for granted.
So, are you complacent in a relationship?
With all the signs mentioned here, if most of them resonate with you, then you’re probably complacent in a relationship. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean your relationship’s over.
This is your chance to bring back the sparks and chemistry by giving time, attention, effort, and communication to your partner.
Becoming complacent in a relationship is common, but it’s also a nightmare. Before your relationship ends and falls apart, be sure to stop the cycle of complacency and prioritize your partner. Stop taking for granted and learn to make the effort again.