Are You *Should You Be* Worried about Your Cheating Fantasy?FFOL Editor 1
Is it normal to have a cheating fantasy? There are many reasons why it might be happening, but also, it’s pretty normal, so you can calm down a bit!
The human mind is a strange thing. One minute you’re concentrating and having a relatively productive day. The next you can’t focus because you’re too bothered by videos of dancing cats on YouTube or your personal cheating fantasy.
Of course, that’s just one example. There are no limits to the depths of weirdness our brains can sink!
Within a relationship, it’s totally normal to feel a little insecure or to have random feelings and thoughts occasionally. However, if you have a recurrent cheating fantasy, does that actually mean something?
In some cases it can, but not all the time. Some people find the idea of their partner getting it on with someone else quite a turn on for themselves. However, if you’re always dreaming about cheating, does it mean that you’re not dedicated and holds a deeper meaning?
Before you panic, let’s look at the potential reasons for this to be happening. Reassure yourself that in many ways, you’re simply a normal human being! [Read: Relationships and cheating – what is cheating and when are lines crossed?]
The biggest reasons why you might be having a cheating fantasy
Remember, just because there are a few potential reasons here, doesn’t mean that these are always going to be your specific reason! It could simply be that your brain is having a moment and veering towards uncharted territory. However, if your cheating fantasy is recurrent and becomes stronger, it might be worth exploring why.
#1 You’re a little scared of becoming too committed. It’s entirely possible that you’re scared of commitment. The cheating fantasy is your brain’s way of alleviating the tension and worry you’re experiencing.
If this is the case, ask yourself whether you care for your partner and whether you really want to be in a committed relationship. If the answer is yes, work through your fears and communicate with your partner. If the answer is no, well, there’s your other answer! [Read: The 15 signs you’re experiencing commitment phobia]
#2 You’re experiencing a build up of intense feelings. If you’re in that intense honeymoon stage of your relationship, you might find it strange to suddenly start to have fantasies about other people. Don’t panic! It could simply be that you’re experiencing all manner of intense emotions. They’re manifesting in a cheating fantasy. It doesn’t necessary mean that you want to act upon it.
#3 You’re potentially wondering about an open relationship. Do you find it hard to be tied to one person? Have you always wondered about polyamory or open relationships? If your cheating fantasy becomes stronger, while you still want to be with your partner, you’re also curious about other people too. Proceed with caution before you communicate this to your partner! [Read: Open relationships and why so many couples find it perfect]
#4 There is something you’re not getting from the relationship. How is the sex? Sorry to be blunt, but are you satisfied? If the cheating fantasy is purely sexual, it could be that your sex life isn’t as spicy as you’d like it to be.
The good news, is that it can be easily fixed! Simply work together to spice things up and make your bedroom time *or even outside of the bedroom* more fun. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas that’ll change your sex life forever]
#5 You’re not happy in the relationship. Of course, it could also be that you’re just not happy in the relationship. Your cheating fantasy is a strong indicator that you want out of it. Before you come to this conclusion, really ask yourself if that’s what you truly want. Is it a temporary feeling? Have you had an argument or are you having an ongoing debate that is wearing you down?
Talk things through with your partner before you make any drastic decisions, as there are many other potential reasons for why you’re having these unsettling fantasies.
#6 You’re just rebelling in your own mind. At the end of the day, we’re all human. We like to do naughty things occasionally! Your cheating fantasy, although hurtful to your partner if they ever found out about it, is simply your brain’s way of breaking the rules.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with your relationship or that you want to sleep with other people. It’s just harmless fun in your own mind, albeit a little worrying for you at the time! [Confession: I cheated on my boyfriend and felt so much better!]
Is your fantasy sexual or emotional?
So far, we’ve concentrated on the idea of the cheating fantasy being sexual. What if it’s not sexual but totally focuses on emotions? In that case, you might have a problem.
When we dream of being intimate with someone else, it can be harmless in many cases, provided the fantasy isn’t acted upon. When you’re having fantasies about being emotionally close to someone else, it could mean that you’re simply not getting the emotional connection and support you need from your partner.
If your fantasy is based around emotions, sit down and work out what’s not quite right in your current relationship. Are you holding back? Is your partner holding back? Is there a problem which is stopping you both from being as open as you would like to be? Do you feel like they’re spending too much time at work and neglecting your emotional needs?
Pinpoint the issue. Without coming to a firm conclusion, the chances of you attempting to emotionally connect with someone outside of the relationship in real life are far higher.
Of course, it goes without saying that fantasies should really remain in the mind unless you want to act upon them to solve a problem. If you really feel that there is something wrong in the relationship and that’s why you’re having this cheating fantasy, talk about things with your partner. [Read: Micro-cheating – Are you unintentionally cheating on your partner without realizing it?]
If that yields no results, come to a firm conclusion about whether you want to end things and actually do. Before you seek out what you need and want from someone else.
It’s borderline permissible to have a fantasy about cheating, but it’s 100% not permissible to actually do it. A good rule of thumb, how would you feel if your partner was having the same thoughts and fantasies. You’d be hurt, right? In that case, question what you’re doing and why.
If you’re just indulging in a little mind fun, a little harmless flirtation in the privacy of your own mind, pull elements of that into your relationship with your partner. In that case, there’s nothing to feel guilty about and everything to give your relationship a far better chance of success. It could even bring you closer together! [Read: How to fantasize about someone else with your partner without feeling guilty]
Do I advocate telling your partner that you’re having a cheating fantasy? No. Not at all. While I don’t agree with little lies, I think you should twist the truth on this one. If there is an element of your fantasy that you want to bring into your relationship, present it in a different way. Don’t tell your partner that you dreamed you were doing it with someone else. Not good and probably not cool.
Having a cheating fantasy is normal in some ways. Most of the time it’s nothing to be concerned about. Decide with the points above if it’s a red flag or not.