Play It Cool: How to Confirm a Date without Sounding Desperate

Ever wondered how to confirm a date without sounding desperate? It’s all in the wording and the timing! We have all the tips you need to for success.

Ah, the first date. Full of butterflies in the stomach, confusion, excitement, and “should I” or “shouldn’t I.” But it all even starts before the actual date! So, if you’re wondering how to confirm a date without sounding desperate, read on.

Where do you fall?

Most people fall into one of two categories—those who adore the mystery and adventure of a first date, and those who hate the awkwardness. I am somewhere in the middle, but certainly more towards the second category. Personally, I would prefer to skip forward a few weeks and get past the confusing part.

However, if you’re someone who loves first dates, there is one area you will probably agree with me on – How to confirm a date without sounding desperate.

We all need to confirm details, right? We need to confirm that we’re both going to be at the same place, at the same time, with the right idea. This is just basic manners, however, when the dating situation is thrown into it, especially a first date, nobody seems to want to do the confirming. As a result, there is the “is this happening or isn’t it?” situation.

I hate that situation. [Read: Double texting and second texts – The guidebook to play it cool]

Over the years, I have done my best to figure out how to confirm a date without sounding desperate and usually failed, but then I came across a foolproof method which works time and time again.

It all comes down to the words you use, the timing, and the “one strike and you’re out” method.

Let me explain. [Read: How to ask someone if they like you without embarrassing yourself]

How to confirm a date without sounding desperate – Why confirm in the first place?

First, let’s talk about the reason that confirming a date might be awkward.

You’ve agreed to go on a date, but it might be that no solid plans were made. That means the idea is still floating in the air casually without confirmation. The problem is, we all agree to things in the moment that we have no intention of doing, so when you’re trying to confirm date details, you’re also asking them whether they still want to go on the date with you. You’re subtly reminding them that they agreed to meet you.

What if they’ve changed their mind? What if they only agreed because it was awkward at the time but never had any real intention of actually going through with it?

Oh, the awkwardness!

This cringe-worthiness might cause you to not bother even attempting to confirm the date in the first place, but then what if you’re missing out? What if they feel the same way, worried that you want to back out and too scared to be the one to make the first move and attempt to get the date in motion?

You know what my advice is? Just do it.

Seriously, life is too short for all this “do they/don’t they” rubbish.

Despite that, I don’t want you to jump in with both feet, a little too eager. That’s where my three elements of how to confirm a date without sounding desperate come into play. [Read: How long should a first date last? A guide to perfect timing]

Element 1 – The words you use

The words you use dictate whether or not you’re coming over as desperate or simply wondering. Obviously, simply wondering is the feel we’re going for here. Without a doubt, I would always try and confirm a date by message or text. Never call and ask. It’s too embarrassing if they say no, and they might also feel like they have to agree when they don’t really want to. I don’t mean to sound negative, but I think messages are best.

The problem is, you need to hit the perfect piece of middle ground. Too many words and you err into essay territory, and too few and it looks like you can’t be bothered. For starters, nobody has time to read an essay, and secondly, you should at least look like you want to meet this person!

Keep it light and uncomplicated and avoid negative phrases, like “if you don’t want to, I understand.” That looks desperate on many levels, just as much as “please come” does!

Something along the lines of “hey, I wondered if you were still up for meeting?” And then wait for their response. Don’t confirm with a date, time, and place to meet until you know that the date is actually going to go ahead. You’re giving them an ‘out’ here without it looking like you’re trying too hard. If they don’t reply, take it as a no and move on. If they reply with something that sounds distinctly like they’re trying to put you off, again, take the hint and move on.

However, if they reply with a positive answer, simply say something like “Great. How does Sunday sound? I’m free any time after 6pm.” That sounds like you have a life because you’re busy before 6pm, but doesn’t dictate where they need to be and at what time, almost like they’re heading to a job interview. Avoid anything else. Save the “great to see you” for the actual date! [Read: How to avoid getting stood up on a date]

Element 2 – The timing

The next element is the timing. The words are nothing without the right timing.

Firstly, remember that people have busy lives and that means you can’t suggest a date for that evening or even the following day and expect them to be free. Send your text at least three or four days beforehand, giving them enough time to figure out what else they already have planned. It also makes it look like you’re busy and can’t simply drop everything too.

Clever, huh?

Secondly, don’t send your text too early in the morning or too late at night. Too early looks eager, because it basically implies that they were the first person you thought of when you woke up. Cute, but save that for when the relationship is solidified, if it gets that far.

Texting too late at night also shows you’re thinking about them for the wrong reason, or you were too busy to think about it during the day. Either way, stick to the middle of the day, perhaps mid-afternoon, to send your text. [Read: A complete guide to texting before the first date]

Element 3 – One strike and you’re out

Finally, when learning how to confirm a date without sounding desperate, stick to the ‘one strike and you’re out’ rule. Basically, you text them about the date only once. If they reply, great; if they don’t, move the hell on and do not send another text under any circumstances!

Do not send a lighthearted text about something else entirely, subliminally trying to remind them about the date you’re supposed to be having. Yes, I know how your mind works! You’re showing desperation if you continue to text them. Ask them once and leave it at that.

At the end of the day, if they’re not replying to you, do you really want to go on a date with this person anyway? It’s rude to ghost someone, and replying to say “no, thank you” is better than ignoring them completely! Manners people. Always rate manners highly, and you won’t go wrong!

Okay, I understand, it’s hard to do the ‘one strike’ thing when you really want to meet this person and go on a date. It’s important that you take either no reply or a flaky reply in the intention it is meant. It’s basically a no without actually saying the words. Take it on the chin, move on, and find someone you don’t have to work quite so hard for.

[Read: How to know if someone actually likes you back]

Understanding how to confirm a date without sounding desperate isn’t hard, provided you stick to the three rules I’ve talked about.