How to Give Him Space Without Losing Him or Your Confused Mind

When someone tells you they need space, it can be the hardest thing to do. But, learning how to give him space can save your relationship. Here’s how!

I remember when my first serious boyfriend asked me for space. It was incredibly hard. How to give him space wasn’t anything I knew how to handle. In fact, I didn’t handle it well at all.

I went insane. I texted him all the time, calling him. Making sure every second we were connected. I was so scared of losing him, and you can understand why.

When you really like someone, you want them to like you back—it’s normal. The thought of not being with him made me feel truly sad. So, I did what I thought was a good idea. But at the same time, I didn’t notice I was pushing him further and further away. [Read: How to give space in a relationship and not drift apart]

How to give him space

Of course, when you suffocate someone, the odds are they won’t want to be with you. By not giving them space, they feel pushed into a corner. The only way to handle that is to push back even harder.

In the end, my boyfriend broke up with me because he didn’t get the space he needed. I don’t want you to experience this, which is why giving space is absolutely crucial.

Now, it’s not always easy to give space. I mean, how do you give space? I know it sounds very literal, which to some point it is, but to help you go through it, there are some things you need to do.

#1 Give him space, literally. If he’s asked you for space, do it. Give the guy some space! If he’s dropping hints or telling you he needs space; back off. If not, you’ll only push him further away. Maybe he feels things are moving too fast or is overwhelmed with school or work. Give him the space he needs. [Read: How to learn to give space and breathe again]

#2 Don’t act angry or resentful. Here’s the thing, if you’re giving him space, do it with an open heart. I know you don’t want to give him space; it feels like everything is crashing down. But that doesn’t mean your relationship will end. If you give him space while acting angry or resentful, you’re going to stress him out even more. 

#3 Put your phone away. Checking your phone every five minutes for his texts won’t make this any easier. When someone asks for space, they’re not going to text you. Also, this means you shouldn’t call or text him either. Yes, when it comes to knowing how to give him space, you can send him an “I’m here if you need anything,” text message, but that’s it! Do not – I repeat – do not text him until he texts you first. [Read: How to make taking a break work for you]

#4 There’s no excuse to talk to him. Do not go hunting for reasons to text or call him. The guy asked you nicely for space, respect his wishes. You may have had a hard day at work or saw something really funny, but tell someone else what happened. If someone asks for space, don’t find a reason to invade their space again.

#5 No chasing! That’s right; do not chase him. Naturally, when we feel we’re losing someone we pull closer to them from fear of having them let go. But this will only make him move further away from you. You don’t need to chase him. If he wants to be with you, he’ll come back on his own. [Read: All the reasons why chasing a guy never really helps]

#6 Chill from social media. I know it’s easier said than done, but take a break from social media. I know you’re obsessing over his every social media move, but that’s not going to help you during this time. Social media stalking may give him space, but it will only drive you insane. Chill out and let him take some time to cool off.

#7 Take this time to focus on you. You have the time now to practice some self-care *which you should be practicing anyways*. Don’t spend your time thinking about him and wondering what he’s doing. Instead, use this time to focus on you and what you want from your life.

#8 Keep yourself busy. This is not the time for you to sit at home and watch chick flicks while eating ice cream. You can do that for a day or two, but then it’s time to jump on the horse and keep moving forward. Go to work or school, hang out with your friends, and do the hobbies you enjoy most in life. While he’s sorting his issues, keep yourself busy.

#9 Don’t worry about losing him. I know this is easier said than done, but you cannot spend your time worrying about losing him. The more you think about this, the more it will damage you. He’s the one who will decide his fate, and you must accept that there’s a chance you won’t be together. And if that is the case, you weren’t meant to be. [Read: 13 needy signs you’re too available for your partner]

#10 Spend time with other people. You have family and friends who truly love you for who you are. Spend time connecting with those people, and feel their love and support. No matter what happens, it’s important to know that they’re the ones who will always be there for you. 

#11 Everything will be okay. Though it’s hard to hear this right now, at the end of the day, everything will be okay. You don’t need him to function like the healthy and happy person you are. You have other goals, dreams, and pleasures in life. I know it’s hard to accept and confusing to figure out how to give him space, but with time, you will move on, and everything will be okay.

#12 You can’t control how he feels. Here’s the thing: you can’t control how someone else feels. It took me a long time to understand this, and it’s not something we accept willingly. But whatever you do, it won’t change how he feels. You can be sweet, funny, and do all the right things. If his gut is telling him this isn’t the right relationship for him, there’s nothing you can do to change that. [Read: 10 obvious signs guys give when they want more space]

#13 Give yourself a limit. You can’t spend your life waiting for him to come around. Of course, give him space and time to go through his emotions, but at some point, he should make a decision. If he avoids talking to you for weeks and weeks, decide if this is someone who respects you.

You cannot waste your life waiting for him to make a decision. Remember, indecisiveness is a decision. [Read: Healthy relationship expectations to define a good love life]

#14 What do you want? This is a big question, but it’s one you should ask. If he needs space from the relationship to think about things, you should do the same. How is your relationship with him? Is this a relationship you want to continue? Be honest and serious with yourself.

[Read: Where to draw the line when you’re putting too much effort into a relationship]

Understanding how to give him space isn’t easy, especially when you’re scared you’ll lose him. But a little space can go a long way. Use these tips the next time he needs some space, and use the time to figure what you really want too.