Why Is He Leading You On? How to Understand the Games He’s Playing

Being led on by a guy is not just a major waste of time, effort, and emotions, but it leaves a triggering question festering… Why is he leading you on?

Guys lead us on all the time but it is not always for the same reason. Some guys are truly cruel while others are dense. But, if you’ve been led on recently, you are probably wondering why. Did he change his mind? Is it something you did? Was he playing you from the start?

Lucky for you and unfortunately for me, I have had a lot of experience being led on by guys, so I know exactly why he is leading you on. 

How is he leading you on?

Before considering the possibilities of why he is leading you on you, look to how he’s doing it.

Is he texting you all day long and getting your hopes up. Then, he disappears for hours, if not days, at a time?

Is he only seeing you at your place and never in public or at his?

Has he been hiding you from his friends and family and refuses to meet yours?

Does he offer excuses as to why you don’t go out, why he is unavailable, and why he won’t be official with you?

Are you sleeping with him?

Is he hot and cold?

All different ways he may be leading you on and all of them are for different reasons. Maybe he is hiding something or is purely afraid of real commitment or is just selfish.

These different ways he leads you on signal his intentions. They help you get the answer to why he is leading you on. 

Why is he leading you on?

I am sure you are familiar with the previously mentioned ways guys might lead you on. But, it doesn’t tell you why he is leading you on. He could be ghosting you or haunting you, but not knowing why is what really drives you nuts. It makes you question if you did something wrong and impacts your self-esteem.

That is not fair. When a guy is leading you on, it almost always has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him and his bad decisions. You deserve an answer so you know what a crappy guy he is. The answer will help you move on right away.

#1 He doesn’t want a “relationship.” This is a classic as old as time when it comes to guys leading us on. It isn’t that he doesn’t like you, it’s just that he doesn’t want to commit to you. Now, that is not an excuse, but to him it is.

He doesn’t want to lose you, but he wants all the perks of a relationship without actually being in one. He wants you to come when he calls, be there for him, and do all the things a girlfriend would do while he gets to be single. If this is what he’s doing, drop him like a hot potato. 

#2 He is in a relationship. Another reason he may be leading you on is that he is already taken by one unlucky girl. Maybe they got in a fight and he is straying, or maybe they didn’t and he is still straying.

In this case, he will reach out at all hours and keep you interested but also disappear at random times for hours or days because he is with his girlfriend. How nice? He wants to keep you around in case things don’t work out in his current relationship but with no intention of actually being single.

#3 He hasn’t made up his mind. If you’re wondering why is he leading you on, he may like you and be considering a relationship with you. However, he isn’t sure and needs time to think about what he wants. So, he continues to lead you. And you never know if he made up his mind.

This is the type of guy who may not think he is doing anything wrong. He is just wildly naive and clueless. When he does decide, he won’t say anything but expects you to just go with whatever he wants because he is a guy who thinks the world revolves around him.

#4 He’s waiting for something better to come along. This is my personal favorite. By that, I mean the biggest sign that the guy you’re talking to is a major douche. He doesn’t want to pin himself down when he doesn’t know what the future holds. He likes you just fine, but he doesn’t want to commit himself to you in case a supermodel decides to hit him up.

Pretty much he wants all your attention until he is no longer interested. He has no respect for you or your feelings and is using you for his own personal gain.

#5 He wants an ego boost. This is a man, or should I say boy, with fragile masculinity. He has such low self-esteem deep down that he needs your intrigue in him to feel like a “real boy.”

Without being sure you’re interested, he feels like a failure or like less of a man, as he should. He will use your body, your feelings, and whatever else it takes to fill the empty void where his heart should be.

#6 He wants the power. This is similar to getting an ego boost but is all about toxic masculinity and being in charge. He wants to make sure when he says jump you’ll say how high. Whether he is truly interested in you or not doesn’t matter.

All he wants is to control you. This is the type of guy that will prey upon girls with self-esteem issues. These guys feel they can easily weasel their way into one’s psyche and take control.

#7 He is using you for sex. This is not cool, but it is a classic. Think about that first episode of Friends where the wine guy lies to Monica to get her to sleep with him on the first date. This is a go-to for so many guys.

He will tell you a sad story or try to come across like prince charming to get you into bed. He will lead you on, make you think he is a good person, and may even make promises. But, once you give in all that goes away, you never hear from him again.

#8 He wants companionship. This is probably the saddest of them all but I have seen it. This is a guy who may have no interest in dating or a relationship, he just wants someone to talk to. He’ll listen to you. You’ll listen to him, and there will likely be a connection, but nothing else.

This is the type of guy you may meet online and chat with for weeks but never actually meet up with. He wants someone to confide in that has no hold in his “real life.” Then, he doesn’t have to take accountability for hurting when he decides he’s over it.

#9 He’s bored. What a prince, huh? Some guys are just plain bored. Instead of reading a book or watching a movie, he plays around with your feelings until he once again gets bored and moves on to someone else.

This the guy that wants to flirt with you, but as soon as things get real, he backs off. You could ask to meet up or maybe you disagree about politics. Either way, he has no interest in actual conversation just something for him to get his rocks off to.

#10 He doesn’t see you as an equal or worthy of respect. He is a misogynist and a sexist. He uses you because he thinks you are there for his entertainment. Perhaps, he enjoys knowing that you are waiting for him to text back.

He will come across nice and normal, just enough for you to remain interested, but will string you along just to mess with your feelings.

#11 He wants to keep you in his line up. He may be doing the exact same thing to a handful of girls. Maybe he even sends the same texts or photos to multiple girls at once. He only gives you a little bit of attention so you think he is interested but never enough for you to know for sure.

He is pretty much creating a little black book of girls he can play. 

#12 He thinks he is being a nice guy. This is the one that you don’t see coming because he really doesn’t think he is doing anything wrong. He considers himself a nice guy. In fact, his friends may do so as well.

He thinks leading you on is better than coming out and saying he isn’t interested for any reason. He thinks leading you on will make you feel good. Pretty much, he is a guy looking at the right now and not even considering the future.

So, why is he leading you on? No matter what the reason, it isn’t worth your time or energy.