How to Make Sex More Enjoyable *Hint* It’s Not a Textbook Answer

I don’t know what you learned in sex ed, but probably nothing about how to make sex more enjoyable. Because having sex and enjoying sex is different.

When I first lost my virginity, I didn’t know what to do. In fact, I didn’t do much. I replayed some sex scenes from movies in my head, trying to figure out where to put my hands, etc. But it was a giant mess. It would have been nice to know how to make sex more enjoyable at that point.

The only way I learned was through practice. Well, that isn’t a bad way of figuring it out either. But, of course, there are some helpful tips you can follow to make your sex life more fun and exciting because that’s what sex is supposed to be. It’s not a chore, it’s an act, and one that you should enjoy while doing. [Read: Commonly accepted sex “facts” that are really wrong]

How to make sex more enjoyable

We always hear from other people about their sex lives. Whether they need better sex or they’re having the best sex in their life—we hear about it.

For most of us, our education about sex comes from that horrible sex ed class in high school. You know, the one we blushed the entire time through. Or maybe you learned about sex from porn that’s filled with unrealistic standards and just plain bad acting *we can all agree to that*.

But none of these things actually teaches us how to have real sex. If anything, it just confuses us and builds anxiety about the entire thing. So, here’s how to make sex more enjoyable. Because, you know, it’s supposed to be fun.

#1 It’s all about talking. No, you don’t have to mind read to have enjoyable sex. But you should be talking. Yeah, I know, in your head you’re thinking of all the possible future awkward moments, but it shouldn’t be awkward.

If anything, you’re reducing awkwardness by talking about it with your partner. Talk about what you like, what they like, what they don’t like. No one can read minds. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]

#2 Get checked. Sex isn’t going to be enjoyable if you contracted chlamydia. It’s just going to be itchy and you’re going to spread it to your partner, so it’s a lose-lose for everyone. If you want to ensure good sexual health, get checked. Any burning or itchy feeling, just hop over to the doctors, you don’t want that to linger. [Read: How to survive an STD scare in your relationship]

#3 Look at yourself naked in the mirror. If you don’t love yourself naked, then you’re never going to really enjoy having sex. I mean, how could you? You’re too busy thinking about how your jiggly parts look like from their point of view. Screw that.

Start looking at yourself in the mirror naked and give yourself compliments. You’ll have better sex once you start to love and respect the body you have, trust me.

#4 Find a new position. If you’re used to missionary, switch it up a bit. Of course, sex can sometimes feel routine, like we’ve already been there, done that. But there are positions out there that you’d love, yet, never tried out. What’s the point of having sex if you’re not going to try new things? Sure, the position may not be good for you, but at least you knocked it off your list.

#5 Lights on? We’re all professionals when the lights are off, but the minute they come on, it’s a different story. But why? Is it because we’re self-conscious? For most people, yes. But what many of us are missing out on is that sex with the lights on can be amazing. You’re able to see your partner while being intimate rather than feeling your way through the dark. Try using a candle if you’re not into complete light. [Read: Lights on or off during sex? The real deal on bedroom lighting]

#6 Don’t focus on the orgasm. Of course, we’re all thinking about having an orgasm, but do you really have to have that as a must-have? If you spend all your time thinking about the orgasm, you lose sight of what’s happening right in front of you. So, stop being so goal-orientated, this isn’t a race. The less you think about it, the more likely it is that you’ll have one. [Read: 15 secrets to master the art of orgasms every single time]

#7 Focus on the clit. Whether you’re a male or female, you need to be focusing on stimulating the clitoris. Of course, this increases the chance of an orgasm but it also just feels amazing. It’s basically the hot spot for pleasure. As a woman, you want to be pleased and as a man, you want to please the woman. It’s really a win-win for everyone.

#8 Get emotional. Yes, you heard me. It’s time to let those emotions go! I know the popular belief is that sex is just sex, but it’s not. You’re allowing someone in your most vulnerable state: completely naked and horny. It’s emotional, how can it not be? So, get vulnerable. It’ll create more intimacy and increase the sexual tension.

#9 Masturbate… in front of each other. Okay, you should be spending some time masturbating alone, it’s a great way to learn about your body and how it reacts to stimulation. But, you should also masturbate in front of each other.

I know this sounds kinda weird, but trust me, it’s really hot. Yes, it’s an individual act but when you do it in front of someone, it becomes very intense. [Read: Mutual masturbation and the intimate ways to connect without touching]

#10 Switch up the tempo. We all have a tempo that we like having sex to which is great. But you also need to switch it up. Sure, you can go slow when you want to bond with the person, but then, there will be a moment when you just want to lose your mind, so speed up. Don’t just go one pace. That’s not fun, it’s boring. [Read: This is why you should be having great sex every day]

#11 Eye contact. It’s all about the eyes, baby. So many people refrain from eye contact when having sex, but that’s wrong. You should be maintaining eye contact while having sex. It creates intimacy, confidence, and arousal. If you’re feeling like sex is getting lame, start looking at the person you’re having sex with. Trust me!

Sex isn’t supposed to be something that we read from a textbook. It’s something to feel and have fun with. Take the time and learn how to make sex more enjoyable.