Having feelings for someone that doesn’t share them or that you shouldn’t necessarily be having…
The dating game is a confusing one, but if you’re finding yourself regularly ghosted, it’s time to learn how to stop texting first.
When you first meet someone, it’s all happiness and smiles, but after the first few weeks or even days of back and forth texting, the risk of ghosting comes into play. If you know when to stop texting first, you can save yourself some heartache.
It’s something we’re all terrified of in those first few weeks of a crush. It’s almost as if you become hooked on your phone beeping for a surge of adrenaline. I know how it feels. I’ve been there, but I also know how it feels to be ghosted too.
Why always texting first sends the wrong message
I was always the girl who texted first. I’d wait a while, tell myself I was going to make them do a little of the leg work, but I always gave in in the end. “How’s your day?” I’d end up sending. From there, the conversation would start to flow. Then, after a while, it stopped again, and my adrenaline hit ran out.
My behavior was problematic on many levels. It showed anyone I was talking to in a flirty manner that they could just relax, and I’d come running. Not a good look, right? Thankfully I’ve learned from my mistakes, but I still see so many people falling for the same issue.
I’ll say it clearly—you need to stop texting first all the time!
Of course, someone has to be the first one to break the ice and I’m not suggesting that you never text first, but you should stop texting first every single time. If they don’t text you either, wait a while. In the end, they’ll probably give in and you’ve shown them that you actually have a life outside of them too.
I know it’s hard. When you’re being ghosted, you just want some kind of reassurance that it’s not starting to go the same way as it always has in the past. It’s understandable, but it’s also important to remember that if someone is childish enough to play these types of games, you don’t really need them in your life anyway.
9 reasons why you need to stop texting first
If you’re always the one picking up your phone to reach out first, check out these nine reasons why you should stop texting first every single time.
#1 You’ll easily notice if they’re a good one or not. If you stop texting first and they don’t reply, there’s your answer – they’re not worth your time. You can also figure out from being a little more fluid with your texting whether or not they’re a good one or someone who’s liable to play ghosting games with you when they become bored.
A healthy line of communication should be a mixture of them texting you first sometimes and you texting them first sometimes – equal! Don’t devalue yourself by constantly chasing after someone who can’t even be bothered to say “good morning” or ask you how you are.
#2 You don’t have to do the hard work all the time. By texting first all the time, you’re doing the hard work. You’re constantly thinking of something to say, always wondering what they’re doing and why they haven’t texted you. It’s exhausting. Crushes and even full-blown relationships should not be this much hard work!
Relax. Stop texting first for a while and see what happens. With a bit of luck, your beau will figure it out and do their fair share of the work.
#3 You give yourself time to focus on yourself. When you first meet someone, it’s really easy to make your life all about them. You start to obsess about the smallest things, and as a result, you forget your friends, your hobbies, and the things you used to enjoy.
It’s a massive pitfall, and one you need to avoid at all costs. By constantly checking your phone and always being the one to text first, you’re putting one foot on that slippery slope. Relax and see what happens. In the meantime, focus back on yourself and enjoy your time.
#4 You learn to enjoy dating rather than becoming stressed. I never enjoyed dating and always found it super-stressful. I ended up constantly checking my phone and thinking of things to text just to make contact. It makes me cringe nowadays, I must have looked so desperate. By learning to stop texting first, you actually relax and start to enjoy the first flourishes of love. I’m told that it can be enjoyable if you just lighten up and let it flow naturally.
#5 They quickly realize they can’t take you for granted. If you’re always happy to do the hard work and text first, they’re not going to try very hard. It’s a natural human response. However, if you make them work a little, i.e. do their share of the texting, then they’re going to quickly see that if they take you for granted, you just don’t text at all either.
It’s a far better picture and one which cultivates respect. That’s a far healthier and happier picture, don’t you agree?
#6 They’ll appreciate your worth. When you’re not texting them, they’re thinking the same thing you’re thinking when you don’t get a text from them – what are they doing? Who are they with? Why aren’t they thinking about me?
It’s a classic power play. Although dating shouldn’t include games, in all honesty, it does. Let them wonder what you’re up to! It makes them appreciate you more and ensures that your own level of self-worth isn’t eroded away by constantly wondering why they’re not texting you first.
#7 You’ll actually have something to talk about. When you’re constantly texting first, it’s normally random things you’ll end up texting because eventually you’ll run out of witty things to say! When you wait a while, allow them to do a little of the work, you’ll actually notice that you have more things to talk about. Your communication will be improved. In any crush/relationship/dating situation, everything should be equal. That includes communication.
#8 You set your intentions out from the start. If you’re texting first all the time, why are they going to try? You’re showing from the start that you’re happy to do all the leg work. They simply assume they can relax. However, if you stop texting first and wait it out a while right from the beginning, they’ll understand that you’re not someone they can be quite so lazy with. You avoid setting a dangerous precedent.
#9 The “power play” in your relationship will be equal. I think the whole idea of there being any amount of power in a relationship is just ridiculous, but if you’re always texting first, they’re the ones with the power in their hands. You’re literally allowing them to affect how you feel and making you wonder why they’re ghosting you or ignoring you. However, if there is a fair amount of back and forth texting, everything is far more equal and much healthier as a result.
Learning how to stop texting first isn’t easy. Sit on your hands, distract yourself, and try your best not to give in. It will work in your favor, and eventually it will become easier.