Often times, first dates suck, but on the off chance that you have strong feelings after a first date, what should you do about it?
First dates are vital to a potential relationship. They can also be short meetings just to see if you click. They can be awkward and uncomfortable or horrible and require an escape maneuver. And they can be misleading. But, what happens when you have strong feelings after a first date?
Well, be happy for starters. I would say first dates tend to flop more often than they flourish, so enjoy the feeling.
Why do you have strong feelings after a first date?
The most prominent reason you would have strong feelings after a first date is infatuation. You clicked. You are attracted to them and things went well. Great. But that does not mean you are going to get married. It doesn’t even mean you will have a second date. [Read: How to tell the difference between infatuation and love]
I myself have felt strong feelings after a first date, but they can quickly subside when you learn more about this person. They can also fade once your body no longer releases those feel-good chemicals that go along with a new romance.
I am not saying that your feelings are fake or just a rush of hormones. You very well may have strong feelings after a first date, but just to make sure, ask yourself these questions to sort out the real feelings from the surface ones.
#1 Were you comfortable? This is a big one, but it can be difficult to answer after a first date. You are almost always nervous during a first date, but even with that, you should be able to be yourself.
Did you find yourself hesitating to say certain things? Did you hold back? Were you tense or was your body loose and relaxed? All of these things show if there is potential there. If you have strong feelings but were holding back and tight, you could just be magnifying your hope for a connection into faux feelings. [Read: What to say on a first date to keep it light, easy, and flirtatious]
#2 Did you laugh? Humor is such a vital part of any potential relationship, even a casual one. Finding the positive side of every situation and being able to laugh together is what makes things less awkward and more free-flowing.
Sure, your senses of humor do not need to match 100%, but they should line up a bit. I mean I dated someone for years that liked The Big Bang Theory, a sitcom I find mind-numbing, but we still got along and had a similar sense of humor.
So look at your conversations and the date as a whole. Are your strong feelings after a first date clouding something important? [Read: 20 signs of attraction in the first conversation]
#3 Did they ask you questions? Before realizing how important someone asking questions on a first date was, I left one with what I thought were strong feelings. I thought that because this person opened up, they must like me. But, by not asking me anything about myself, they really weren’t there for me.
They spoke about their life and their past. When I asked them something, they went on and on and never returned the question. Sometimes that can feel like a flowing conversation, but in reality, it is one-sided and not conducive to a relationship.
They need to be both open and be able to sit back and listen to you. You both need to get to know each other to truly know if you have strong feelings.
#4 Were they respectful? Seeing signs of respect can be easy and very subtle. Everything from saying thank you to a waiter to pulling out your chair or covering their mouth when they cough, all shows their level of manners.
Sometimes we are so blinded by initial attraction and so sure that it means strong feelings that we overlook such important aspects of a person’s character. Once the novelty wears off, these are the things that drive us crazy.
Be on the lookout for politeness and manners. You don’t want to be with someone that is a bad tipper or that is rude to service workers. [Read: 13 warning signs to keep an eye on the first few dates]
#5 Did they have your dealbreakers? Our dealbreakers are also something we can turn a blind eye to early on. We hope that our strong feelings will outweigh something we know we can’t deal with. We think that crossing that bridge when we come to it is easier, but all that does is push off the inevitable.
If you cannot be with a smoker or a Republican, no matter how strong your feelings after a first date are, the relationship will not last. [Read: How to stop ignoring subtle red flags on your first date]
What to do when you have strong feelings after a first date?
Hopefully, you now know whether or not you truly have strong feelings after a first date. If you don’t, better luck next time. We have all been fooled by false strong feelings.
If you do, congratulations. There are a number of things you can do now.
#1 Get excited. Smile. Sing a bop. Dance around. Call a friend and give them a play by play of this miraculous first date. Enjoy this feeling. You deserve it.
We get so in our heads when it comes to dating, but often times forget to really enjoy these giddy feelings. So be happy. Don’t worry about tomorrow just yet.
#2 Plan a second date. Ask for a second date. You do not want to play games or wait for them. If you have strong feelings, do something about it. A second date will either confirm those feelings or make you pump the brakes.
Ask them out for something a bit more serious. Do an activity together where you can get closer and truly see potential.[Read: 20 really fun second date ideas that’ll make anyone want a third]
#3 Keep calm. Strong feelings can trick us. We may think they have to be feeling the same way. Maybe you’re starting a plan for the future. We can get ourselves worked up. Try to just enjoy the feeling and take things one step at a time.
Having strong feelings after a first date is all fine and good, but that does not mean you are getting married. So breathe and keep cool. You do not want to come on too strong.
#4 Live in the moment. I know, I sort of already said this, but it is so important. Do not overthink. Don’t relive every single moment of the night. Do not overanalyze everything you said and how many minutes to wait between texting.
Just enjoy these feelings while they are here. Sure, you could be in a serious relationship soon, or you could be heartbroken. So just live in the right now. Rushing things due to the strong feelings you have after a first date is not the most logical idea. [Read: 60 get to know you questions for a new romance]
#5 See how they feel. If you have strong feelings after a first date, great. You are so focused on them, but make sure you stop to find out how they feel. This is what takes a first date and turns it into more.
You both need to have feelings for things to move forward. So let them know you had a great time and ask if they did. And if they also have strong feelings after a first date, wonderful. You can now go for a second date.
Dealing with strong feelings after a first date can be terrifying, confusing, or wonderful. You just have to know how to enjoy it.