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How to Stop Being Rude to Your Partner & Treat Them with Respect

We often take our anger out on our partners because they’re there, but everyone should learn how to stop being rude to your partner.

If you came looking for this article or simply stumbled across it, you may think it is self-explanatory. You want to learn how to stop being rude to your partner, so stop. Right?


It sounds simple to just be nice and respectful to your partner. But when you share your life with someone, tensions run high. Rudeness happens.

It is often easier to be rude to your partner than a complete stranger. Why? Because you trust each other. This is the same reason we fight with our closest friends, siblings, and even parents. You know that no matter how rude you are, they will still be there.

[Read: How to show respect in a relationship and love each other better]

When someone is with you every day and you are upset for any reason, you can take out those frustrations on them because it is convenient. You usually know how they’ll respond, and it can become the norm.

Being rude gets old. Rudeness isn’t just a part of a relationship. It can get out of hand quickly. Rudeness happens but when that turns into disrespect, it is no longer something you deal with but something that takes over.

Why you’re being rude to your partner

If you know you’re being rude to your partner, good job. You’ve already admitted it. That is hard to do. No one wants to admit such a thing, but that is the first step in stopping.

Now, how did you come to realize you’re being rude to your partner? Did you pick up on it yourself? Was your partner upset? Have you been fighting?

[Read: How to tell what your partner feels and learn to read their mind]

Before you can stop being rude to your partner, figure out what causes it in the first place. You probably weren’t actively trying to be rude, but it happened for a reason and that will keep happening if you don’t get a handle on it.

Are you stressed and taking it out on your partner? Are you resenting them for some reason? Or are you trying to push them away?

Even if you stop yourself from being rude to your partner when things come up, it will be difficult to control if you don’t know what’s causing it. Stopping without addressing the cause is only a temporary fix. [Read: 12 signs of indifference in a relationship that predict a real drift]

So, before you take steps to watch your behavior and stop yourself from being rude to your partner, think about why it is happening.

Are you rude when you get home from work after a bad day? Are you rude when they make a mistake or when you don’t have control? Do you let little things get to you more than they should? Are they being rude to you first? [Read: What does it mean to be vulnerable and share your true thoughts with others?]

Are you actually upset with your partner and think they deserve to be treated that way or do you feel bad about it? Considering all of this is what will help you get to the root of the problem so you can work on what is giving you a temper and leading you to being rude to your partner.

This can be something you need to work on alone or maybe it will take time and communication with your partner. Maybe you both need to work on how to talk without being rude, even when you’re upset.

[Read: Relationship arguments and 23 dos and don’ts to remember]

How to stop being rude to your partner

Rudeness toward your partner usually isn’t purposeful. You aren’t intentionally being mean or hurting their feelings, yet it happens.

This can be due to stress, hormones, or deeper issues. Working on the cause is the best way to stop being rude to your partner, but it can take time.

Whether you choose to go to therapy, journal, confide in a friend, or communicate with your partner, your repetitive behavior isn’t likely to change overnight. While working on the deeper problem, there are other things you can do in order to stop being rude to your partner. [Read: 16 reasons why a guy is generally mean to his girlfriend]

#1 Flip the situation. When you’re rude to your partner, it may just seem like normal bickering. Maybe you feel like it is just part of being a couple and dealing with everyday stressors. But, rudeness does not come with the territory.

How would you feel if it was your partner being rude to you? Would you just put up with it and shrug it off or would it get to you? Maybe you start to feel bad about yourself. Would you confront them? Think about how your partner feels when you’re rude. Loving them should remind you that they don’t deserve to be treated that way.

#2 Don’t accept it. Admitting you’re being rude to your partner is hard, but that doesn’t mean you should accept it. Accepting it means you’re okay with how you’re treating them. But they probably aren’t.

Just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean they must put up with your rudeness. It is easy to be rude to people we are so close to because we think they’ll never leave, but that just isn’t the case. If you accept that behavior from yourself, it will only get worse and drive your partner away. [Read: 15 annoying things most people hate about other people]

#3 This isn’t you. Some people defend being rude to their partner by saying it is just them being themselves. That is just a copout. This is a form of manipulation.

If your partner has told you just to be yourself and be comfortable, and you twist that into it being okay for you to be rude, you’re just plain wrong. It is never okay to be rude to your partner. Even being 100% yourself around someone doesn’t give you a pass to be rude.

#4 Love isn’t always enough. I’ve been giving dating and relationship advice to people for years, and I cannot count how many times people have said, “But we love each other.” People believe that all wrongdoings can be forgiven and forgotten as long as love is involved.

That is just not the case. You can love each other more than words describe, but love isn’t just between you as a buffer for any rudeness or bad behavior. Love is something that needs to be tended and cared for with respect. Just because you love each other doesn’t mean your rudeness doesn’t matter. [Read: How to be a better person and grow into a kinder human]

#5 Try role reversal. When it comes to understanding how to stop being rude to your partner, this is more of a therapy technique, but it works. Whenever you feel yourself on the verge of losing your temper or saying something rude, switch roles with your partner. Have them talk to you as if they are you and vice versa.

This will help you see the situation from the other’s perspective. You’ll better understand where your partner is coming from and see your situation from another side. [Read: How to stop stonewalling in a relationship before you lose something precious]

#6 Ask them to call you out. Being rude isn’t something you usually plan to do. When you are rude to your partner, it often comes out in the heat of the moment. You may also be saying things that you think are constructive, but they take as rude.

Rudeness isn’t affected by its intent, but its effect. That means if your partner felt you were rude, even if you didn’t mean to be, you were. If you want to do better, ask your partner to let you know when you say something they don’t like so that you can learn and do better.

[Read: Things you need to eventually talk to your partner about to be happy]

It takes a lot of self-discovery and practice to relearn how to stop being rude to your partner if you’ve made a habit out of it, but it is possible. just take the baby steps towards being a better human being, and you’ll get there soon.

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