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It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with your partner four weeks, four years, or even more, at some point, a little boredom is inevitable. It’s natural when you think about it – generally, when you do the same thing time and time again you get bored. The same goes for when you spend time with the same person, doing the exact same things. Whether it’s sex that’s become a little yawnsome or simply that you don’t have much to talk about when you’re alone, you can fix it. You simply need to learn how not to be boring in a relationship and inject a new spark.
The fact that you’re yawning a little more than you used to doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t a good match or that you have no passion. It just means it is time for a change.
That change can be small or major but as long as you realize your relationship is getting stale and something needs to happen you’re off to a good start.
Identify boredom in a relationship
Is something off? Or are you just bored? Maybe you go out to eat the same night every week and see the same friends and go on the same vacations. Anything routine will become boring after a while. It is perfectly natural for the new and exciting part of a relationship to come to a halt. Once you know each other quite well it can be easy to fall into patterns.
Instead of putting in the effort to get dressed up and go out, maybe you order in and wear sweats while watching The Office for the 11th time.
Or maybe you do go try new restaurants and go on adventures but you still feel bored? Well, that could be your communication. Maybe now that you know each other to a certain extent you feel like you have nothing to talk about.
Or, maybe you feel more like roommates than a couple. All these things happen in relationships. And they are all things you can overcome together. You can get that spark back. You can learn how to not be boring in a relationship, but first, you need to acknowledge that boredom has entered the building. Then, it’s time to talk about it and go from there. [Read: What to do when you’re bored at home with nothing to do]
How to not be boring in a relationship
Not being boring in a relationship is a two-person job. You both need to want to make a change. Therefore, learning how to not be boring in a relationship needs to start with a talk.
1. Acknowledge it but don’t freak out
Before you try to fix anything, realize that boredom happens in every relationship, even healthy ones. It is a natural part of any relationship. Once you get to know each other and are comfortable, it is easy to let that be the steering focus.
Know there is nothing wrong with you or your partner. This is just a passing phase.
2. Bring it up in conversation
Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. Let them know you love them and are happy but something is missing in your relationship. Ask if they feel the same way. And brainstorm together on what you can do to liven things up.
This needs to be something you both want. If you want to get out and do things together as a couple, and they’re fine sitting around and watching Netflix, then your issue is bigger than boredom.
3. Brainstorm a few action points
Think of what you can do together to be more exciting. This should be a team effort. Even take turns. Maybe you want to go dancing and your partner wants to go hiking. Even plan spontaneous dates or surprise dates so the other person doesn’t know the plan.
4. Start with baby steps
You don’t have to plan a random trip to Spain to break out of your boring rut. Even small things can be enough to reignite that spark.
If you are planners or enjoy a routine, just switch up where you go to dinner at first. Maybe go on a double date. Or try to pick out each other’s outfits for your next date night. Small things can be enough to push you in the right direction.
5. Have you forgotten how to flirt?
Once you get into a committed relationship, flirting can cease. Those tingly butterflies can stop fluttering. A small compliment or even teasing can do a lot for the morale of your relationship.
Compliment your partner on their outfit, their taste in home decor, or their strength or determination, but with a sexy edge. Just changing up the fact that you’re used to each other and reigniting those nerves and blushing cheeks can amp up your relationship.
6. Think about your partner more often
The excitement in a relationship isn’t all about dates and what you do together but also what you do for each other. In a former relationship, my ex and I would write each other notes whenever we went to the other’s place. They were silly but sweet.
Once that died down, everything else sort of crumbled with it. Do those small things again. Buying flowers, picking up their favorite candy bar, or just offering to do the dishes at the end of the night adds effort to the relationship.
7. Mix things up a little
A lot of people say to get out and go someplace new to encourage new feelings with your partner when you’re bored. It can’t hurt, but going out to eat on the beach versus your favorite local restaurant won’t change much.
Instead, try new experiences. Teach each other something. Learn something new together. These exercises are bonding and help you become closer which is a new level in your relationship instead of mimicking the excitement you had at the start.
8. Start a new experience bucket list
Trying something new together as a couple can remind you of why you are so connected in the first place. Go to an escape room, volunteer, or even do something wild like skydiving.
Taking risks, learning something new, and even being competitive with each other can boost the feelings you already have.
9. Take some time for yourself
A lot of couples think time apart is the kiss of death when it is actually one of the healthiest things you can do as a couple. Have your own friends and your own hobbies. If you love hiking and your partner struggles to get out of bed before noon, go on your own.
Make sure you are fostering your own passions and projects apart from the relationship. And support each other through those things. This reminds you that your partner adds to your life but isn’t your entire life.
When you sit next to each other on your phones, it can feel like time together, but it is just a placeholder for time you could have been productive independently.
10. Start complimenting your partner again
Compliments go a long way in settled relationships. When you first meet, you may compliment each other a lot but once you’ve told your partner they are handsome or fit so many times, we either forget or think it doesn’t make a difference to hear it.
The thing is, hearing those compliments from someone you’re close to means even more now. Let your partner know you still find them attractive. Compliment their hair, their outfit, or even their smell. This can go a long way.
11. Look at your sex life
Sex isn’t all that matters in a relationship, but it adds a lot of closeness. That intimacy is important to your bond and how you view your relationship. So, if you are trying to learn how to not be boring in a relationship, don’t let your sex life be boring.
Suggest something new and exciting to your partner. Talk about your fantasies. Building that trust in the bedroom with something so personal is sure to spill over into the rest of your relationship.
12. Have deep conversations
Boredom in a relationship can happen once you’re comfortable. You wait months or even years to be with someone you can be yourself with and then once it happens, you get bored.
The thing is you got to that point and stopped. You can always talk more. There is always something to talk about. Forget movies, TV, and work. Have deep conversations about religion, politics, history, and art.
There is always more to learn about each other and having deep conversations you may have never even considered before can remind you that you have so many more levels to connect on.
13. Check in with each other regularly
Remember that all of these things you can do to stop being boring in a relationship are temporary. Boredom comes and goes. All relationships go through ruts. But, as long as you continue to check in with each other and put in that effort, you can learn to accept the natural progress while enjoying the excitement.
14. Teach each other something
Learning something together helps with your bond. Bonus! Your attraction can gain a lot from teaching each other something new. You get to be awed and impressed by your partner and learn something in the process.
Teach them how to change a tire, build a website, or even fold an origami napkin.
15. Embrace spontaneous fun
Spontaneity is different for everyone. One couple may take off to Mexico for the weekend. Others might go to a movie without buying the tickets online first.
There is nothing wrong with either of those scenarios or anything in between. Whatever excites you and your partner and is out of your routine or unplanned will feel new and stimulating.
16. Try role play
This can be sexual or not. Role play can reignite a spark that may be dimming. Long-term love and the chemistry and passion from a new love interest differ.
Meet your partner at a bar and pretend to be someone new. Have an accent and a new name. Act as if you’re meeting for the first time. Maybe it is a blind date or an in-office romance that is frowned upon. This can really be exciting while maintaining your level of comfort in other areas.
17. Hang out with other couples
Sometimes just the two of you doing things is what makes it so easy to fall into a routine. Go on double dates. Incorporating other couples or friends in your plans can make things exciting.
Not only do you get to see other sides of each other, but you get to meet new people and really expand your relationship outside of your house.
18. Unplug and be present
It is so easy to check your email while with your partner and get pulled in by social media and apps. Take a day during the weekend or even a few hours in the evening to shut down and just be together.
Turn off your phones and even the TV. Play a board game or just talk. Even cleaning together or building an Ikea desk can connect you more than sitting together on your phones.
19. Don’t forget that small things matter too
The small things in relationships make the biggest difference. Surprise your partner with flowers or a love note on the fridge. Text your partner throughout the day so they know you’re thinking of them.
Simply reminding your partner with small touches, notes, or bringing them their favorite treat at work can do a lot of good for your relationship.
It isn’t that hard to learn how to not be boring in a relationship as long as you work together to create that magic. Start with these steps and watch the magical spark come back into your love life again in no time.