Some men are just born with the gentleman gene, but it is not always like that. You can indeed learn how to be a gentleman over time.
Feminism may be on the rise as women are fighting equality in all walks of life, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still appreciate the traditional values of an old-fashioned gentleman. Learning how to be a gentleman and charm her will serve you well.
Having a man hold the door open for you, pull out your chair, and even walk around to the other side of the car to help you out are not merely kind gestures. These are small moments that show the lengths that a man is willing to go for you.
What does it mean to be a gentleman?
Being a gentleman does not mean you are wimpy or overly-sensitive. It does not make you weak or less macho. In fact, being a gentleman gives you a leg up.
A gentleman is a chivalrous, polite, and honorable man. These characteristics that make up a gentleman are more than hand-holding and being courteous. They include a proper sense of right and wrong, tolerance, and respect for everyone.
So although you may want to learn how to be a gentleman in the realm of dating, becoming a real gentleman goes far beyond that and takes effect in all part of your life. [Read: What makes you a real catch in the eyes of a woman]
How to be a gentleman
What are some things you can do, say, or change in order to be a gentleman? Odds are you aren’t the opposite of a gentleman now, at least I hope not. So you aren’t starting from scratch.
You have the ability to be a gentleman inside of you. You just have to know what to do in order to bring it out. And before we get into it, be sure you are not simply acting like a gentleman. A gentleman is not just polite but is also sincere and genuine with that chivalry.
#1 Notice when the moment strikes. You know in a movie when the girl says, “Oh what a gentleman.” Isn’t that the moment you want? Well, you can have it. And once you get the hang of it, it will become like a second nature.
When it is raining, offer to share your umbrella with a woman lacking one. Offer to help someone struggling to load their car. Reach something off a high shelf. Be aware of those around you that could use a gentlemanly act. Being a gentleman is all about helping others, not just yourself. [Read: Understand the code of modern chivalry]
#2 Put in the effort. Being a gentleman isn’t about having the ideal wardrobe, it is about what you do with the one you have. I love jeans as much as the next person, but if you are going to meet your girlfriend’s parents, you may want to put in that extra bit of effort with some nice ironed slacks.
Bring flowers for her mother and maybe wine or scotch for her father. It is about making a good first impression and you never go to someone’s house empty-handed. Think back to shows like The Brady Bunch, what would the Brady boys do? Making that extra effort isn’t showing off, it is showing your intentions and thoughtfulness. [Read: How to impress a girl – 15 atypical secrets every guy should know]
#3 Keep what’s private private. Something that can make all the kind gestures in the world useless is spreading secrets. A man can appear to be a gentleman at first glance, but once he goes off and tells his friends or even strangers something he shouldn’t, he loses that gentleman title.
Now, what sorts of things shouldn’t you tell? Well, I like to say if you wouldn’t tell your mom you shouldn’t tell anyone else. You can tell your friends that you are seeing a girl and she is cute and funny, but telling them anything personal, private, or intimate is a big no-no.
#4 Have patience. Gentlemen can be in a rush, but they always show signs of patience. You say excuse me when you are rushing through a crowd. You wait your turn. You may be charming, classy, and confident, but being a gentleman is not playing a part. That means in all circumstances your gentlemanly ways should shine.
This also goes for dating. Whether she wants to wait to meet your parents, wait to kiss, or for anything else, be patient. Any decent gentleman knows that the right lady is worth the work and the wait. [Read: 18 overlooked secrets that’ll make any girl fall hard for you]
#5 Respect women and elders. If you want to know how to be a gentleman, remember that respect is a big one because without it, all the other things don’t even matter. Knowing that everyone deserves to be valued is a big part of being a gentleman.
#6 Be honest. A gentleman never lies. It is as simple as that.
#7 Mind your manners. Manners are for more than toddlers. Saying please and thank you is just the beginning. There is a time and place for a curse or two, maybe at a game or when you stub your toe, but shut down the foul language in almost all other circumstances.
And remember that manners are not just for those you want to impress. Be polite and courteous to service workers, employees, the elderly, and children. [Read: The 12 rules that redefine modern manners]
#8 Be open-minded. Being a gentleman does not mean you can’t have your opinions and be sure of them. But it does mean that you keep an open mind about others’ opinions too. You may disagree with others, but you don’t judge them for their thoughts or beliefs and you don’t get into heated arguments.
#9 Read signals. Gentlemen are always aware of their surroundings. Having attention to detail is an important quality for a gentleman. What makes you stand out is that you pick up on things that others may not notice.
Is your girlfriend chilly? Offer your jacket without her having to ask. Is she uncomfortable at an event you went to? Offer to take her outside. If you want to master the art of knowing how to be a gentleman, being aware of what other people want before they say anything or even know themselves is a wonderful trait to have. [Read: 15 courteous ways to be a gentleman and keep a woman happy]
#10 Make the first move. Making the first move does not have to be aggressive or pushy. In fact, it is romantic and endearing. It shows you are a risk taker, but that you can also read the situation.
Being able to make the first move portrays confidence and shows initiative. Think Noah in The Notebook. He climbed a Ferris wheel to ask Allie on a date, then asked her to dance in the street. *SWOON*
#11 Be understanding. Part of being a gentleman is being a spectacular listener. And that doesn’t mean being silent while the other person, especially a woman, speaks.
That means actually absorbing what others are saying so that you can give an appropriate and thoughtful response. Being sympathetic to others’ situations mean actually understanding where they are coming from.
#12 Keep your word. I know I already said that gentlemen never lie, but keeping your word is different. No one intends to break their word when they give it, but it tends to happen. A gentleman doesn’t let it.
If a gentleman makes a promise or gives someone their word, they find a way to keep it and know that from the moment they initiate it.
#13 Be prepared and punctual. A gentleman is always thinking. That does not mean you have to be a boy scout, but having an emergency kit in your trunk and knowing how to fix a flat tire can’t hurt.
Gentlemen are also punctual. You aren’t late for dates or work. You think ahead and plan accordingly. [Read: How to stop fearing being an adult and grow up]
#14 Protect others. This does not mean you have to sign up for the police academy, but it means you stand up for others. If a woman is being harassed, you offer to step in and walk with her. You never let a woman walk home alone, especially at night.
If a child is missing his mother or an elderly woman is lost, you help. As I said, a gentleman always puts the needs of others before himself.
#15 Always offer. A gentleman always offers to pay for dinner, lend a hand, or help in any way he can.
Taking these things and turning them into actions will help you grow. Eventually, you will no longer be wondering how to be a gentleman.