“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.” – Mandy Hale
If your partner broke up with you do you want them back because they’re really the right person for you or you are feeling rejected? Did they treat you well when you were together or are you recreating old patterns that feel comfortable but no longer serve you? When my second boyfriend broke up with me, I was beyond devastated. I got him back of course because we were so codependent that neither of us were able to break free from each other at the time. But, looking back he was not good for me. It was not a healthy relationship and I should have run for the hills. Why did I go back? I wasn’t ready to move forward. Over time I did. I built my self-esteem and confidence up and about a year later I left him and never looked back. Should I have stayed away the first time? Absolutely. But despite all the dating advice out there that tells you to leave someone who treats you poorly not all of us can do it if we lack esteem and that’s just the truth.
Why You Do It and Why It’s Okay
Be kind to yourself through this process because break-ups can be the best thing that every happened and even going back to someone who isn’t right for you can be a gift if you choose to learn from your mistakes and become a better person and partner. If you go back to them and nothing changes then you’ll break up again and repeat the cycle or you’ll stay broken up and find another person that’s exactly like they were in different form. This is why so many girls say, “I always attract cheaters” or “I always attract bad boys”. Why? They haven’t done any work on their internal dialogue, their self-esteem, their intrinsic values or their needs. Instead they keep going back to what is comfortable even though it no longer works and certainly doesn’t make them happy. If you take this time for yourself and you go back to them even though you know they aren’t the best thing for you do so with the knowledge that you’re going to overcome whatever barriers are in front of you. I went back to an ex three times because I was addicted to his emotional avoidance because it felt like the love I had as a child. I’m so thankful he finally ended things. I knew he wasn’t the one. I knew he wasn’t right for me. I wasn’t happy, and I was almost powerless to change it. Once we broke up, I took the next three years working on my insecurities so that would never happen again and naturally it does. The Universe put another man just like him in my path. The Universe will test you. Thankfully I had learned enough and was strong enough that it only lasted three months and I ended things. Ten months later I met my current boyfriend who is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Whatever you choose and whatever happens don’t despair because it will all work out for the best. Know your value and know who you are. If you can’t make the right choice now know that you will in time. Set your sights on what you want in a partner. Figure out what that perfect partner looks like. Establish your values, boundaries, needs and wants and in time everything you have always wanted will come to you.