10 Communication Techniques to Finally Get Them to Open Up to You

It’s not easy getting someone to talk to you. But open communication is vital in relationships. Here are some communication techniques that can help.

You know how important communication is in a relationship. Without it, your relationship won’t last. You’ll have a number of different problems all based on the fact that you lack the necessary communication techniques to make your relationship work. Luckily, those methods can be learned.

But it won’t be without effort. Relationships are hard work and a lot of that work is in the communication. You have to be willing to work on talking to each other. That also means discussing the hard things, too, like your need for more in bed or your lack of feeling cared about.

Too many relationships end because of bad communication

And the worst part about this is the fact that it can be prevented. Bad communication in relationships can be fixed. You really don’t have to sit there and be stuck with so many problems that can be solved by just sitting down and talking to each other.

If you don’t talk about your problems, they just pile up. And the more issues you have swept under the rug, the more you’ll trip over them. You won’t be able to move past those problems after a certain point and that’s when the relationship goes sour. [Read: 9 signs you subconsciously want to end your relationship]

Communication techniques that can actually get your partner to open up

Sometimes the lack of communication isn’t just your fault. Honestly, it takes two to have a conversation. But sometimes one person can make it a bit harder on the other who’s trying to get the ball rolling.

If your significant other just won’t open up, it’s a problem. Here are some communication techniques you can use to finally get them to talk about their issues.

#1 Never be accusatory. If you go into your discussion with this kind of attitude, it’ll quickly form into a fight. And when someone is arguing, they feel attacked. If you make your partner feel attacked every time you want to work something out, you’ll never get anywhere.

People who feel like they’re being blamed for something immediately get on the defensive. That means you won’t be able to talk anything through because they’ll close themselves off to protect themselves from hurt. Stay calm and you’ll have a much better conversation. [Read: 9 ways playing the victim makes your life worse]

#2 Start with how you’re feeling. If you really want your partner to pay attention, start the conversation with how you’re feeling. This is one of the most important communication techniques and is crucial because if you immediately begin with their faults, they’ll stop listening.

Nobody wants to hear about all they’re doing wrong. However, if you talk about how you’re upset, they’ll want to listen to why. They care about you. That means they care about your happiness and if you’re not happy, they’ll want to know why.

#3 Make it a regular thing. Just get into the habit of talking to each other. You really have to just do it. Every single day, sit down and talk about your day. Then discuss any issues you might have. It can seem weird at first, but you’ll get the hang of it.

You can even just mention how you’re a little bummed about the way they just blew you off when you asked a question. Even small things should be discussed and if you make this a regular part of your relationship, your partner will just open up automatically after a while. [Read: 16 silly bad habits that can ruin your relationship]

#4 Ask a lot of questions. If you have a significant other who just won’t open up to you on their own, you’ll need to utilize questions. Just ask a lot of them. You can simply start with asking about their day and go a little deeper.

Ask if they’re happy in your relationship. Talk about what they think about your sex life. It’s easier to get them to talk if they’re prompted first. Plus, by the time they figure out what you’re doing, they’ll have already dished a bunch of information you’ll find useful.

#5 Keep your tone light. You can have serious conversations about how you’re unhappy without a harsh tone. Remaining calm and even happy will help your odds of getting your partner to talk more.

When you’re in a good mood, they don’t sense anything serious, even if the topic gets there. You’re more likely to get an honest response out of them this way. Keep the tone light and you’ll have a lot more luck. [Read: How to get someone to open up to you so you can really connect]

#6 Be honest. Just keep things open and honest. Don’t lie just to get your partner to talk to you. If you just talk about how you’re feeling and what you want to talk about, they’ll be more grateful than if you lied. Plus, if you’re being open and honest, they’ll feel the need to be the same.

#7 Share your vulnerabilities. You have to be vulnerable in a relationship. Opening yourself up will help your partner see that it’s okay to do so. You grow a lot closer and bond deeper the more you open up to each other.

Therefore, you can help your partner by implementing one of the best communication techniques of being vulnerable. Talk about your fears for your relationship or even things you’re scared of in general. You’ll see how much it’ll help them show you how they really feel. [Read: 12 great reasons to be open and vulnerable]

#8 Ask if they understand. If you really want to make sure your communication is effective, then ask if they understand where you’re coming from. Oftentimes, your partner might not even get it but they’ll agree anyways.

If you ask if they understand, they’re more likely to give you an honest answer. They might say no. That not only tells you that you have to be more specific when explaining stuff, it’ll allow you to take the time to make sure they get it.

#9 Don’t try to talk when they’re busy. If they’re busy or running late or not in a good place to sit down and discuss things, then don’t try. A lot of issues arise when you try to talk about sensitive matters at the wrong time. Make sure they’re calmed down and relaxed first. [Read: What’s pillow talk and how can you make it better?]

#10 Know that it’ll take time to make it effective. It won’t happen right away. If you’re not good at communicating now, you’ll have to work up to it. The great thing is that it will get better. You just have to work at it every day and make sure your partner is willing to work with you.

[Read: A guide for effective communication in relationships]

Being able to talk to your partner and discuss your relationship woes is really important. Having some communication techniques up your sleeve will only make the process easier.