So, you’re in that euphoric stage where every text, call, or even the mere thought…
Living at home with your parents? I’ll bet you are in need of these six crucial tips for dating while living with your parents.
More and more young people are moving back home for all sorts of reasons. As financially, and maybe even emotionally, beneficial living with your parents can be, it can be a real bummer for your dating life. Here are six tips for dating while living with your parents.
Do you want someone you just met meeting your parents right away? What about sex? Will you have to sneak around? Does your bedroom share a wall with your parents?
Not to mention, how do your parents feel about you bringing someone over? Will your date judge you for not having your own place? Trying to date while living with your parents has its very own collection of hurdles. So, when that is your situation, how do you manage?[Read: How to remain hopeful while dating and not let heartaches stop you]
What it’s like dating while living with your parents
I am 27 years old. I live with my parents and have a boyfriend. Dating while living with your parents introduces a whole new set of awkward moments, nerves, and risks.
It all depends on how close you are with your folks, but even if you don’t share every aspect of your life, things can get uncomfortable. You have your desires and your parents’ comfort to consider. It is their house, so there are rules.
Are they okay with you having a significant other stay overnight? Will they have to meet this person or have them over for dinner? How do you balance privacy and openness? Well, it takes some getting used to. You need to find what works for you and your parents.[Read: Still living with your parents: Is it the new normal?]
I am very close with my parents. So, if I went on a date my parents would know where I was going and who with, and I would keep in touch. I don’t have an issue keeping them in the loop about where I am or when I’ll be home.
Sure, I’m an adult. If I lived on my own, my mom wouldn’t be asking if I was coming home, but I am living at home so the rules are different. When your parents see you everyday, they have a right to know if you’re safe.
I know it is uncomfortable, but talking to your parents about this will help.
I started with the house dating rules I had in high school. And, I was allowed to have my boyfriend over with the door closed but no overnights. Then during college breaks, I was allowed to have my boyfriend overnight, but they had to meet him first and get comfortable with him.
As an adult, out of school, and on a budget, that is when dating while living with my parents got iffier. Netflix and chill is an acceptable and free date. But how awkward is it to have your date walk past your parents in the living room to sneak up to your bedroom? And then there is the whole telling the person you’re dating about your situation.
So, what do I do? Well, most of my dating has been online. That means I always meet the person in public. I will go on three to five dates in a public place before going back to my place or theirs.[Read: What it’s like to date someone who still lives with their parents]
By then, we know each other’s living situation whether that be roommates, parents, or pets. Once I feel comfortable inviting them over, I let my parents know that they are coming over to watch a movie.
We will hang out at each other’s place a handful of times before any overnights. And we have both met each other’s roommates. Yes, meeting someone’s parents so soon can be nerve-racking, but when you live together it is just part of that reality.
Sure, introducing your new partner to your parents after two weeks of dating when they live across the country can be weird. However, if they live down the hall, it makes sense.
It would be hard to date someone and share any intimacy if you can’t be alone in private together. So, if someone wants to get to know you better and you live at home, they sort of have to deal with that.
Once my boyfriend met my parents and shared a casual dinner with them, he stayed over for the first time. We keep the door open if we are just hanging out, and if the door is shut everyone in the house knows to give us our privacy and knock if they really need something.[Read: Boundaries in dating – How far is too far?]
Is it the best and most ideal situation? No. But it works for me, my boyfriend, and my family. Honestly, he lives with two roommates. We have a similar situation there.
Tips for dating while living with your parents
Now, you know how dating while living with your parents works for me, but of course, every situation will differ. Some parents will be more strict. Some people will feel weird about meeting your parents so soon, and you may be private about your dating life.
So, how do you handle dating while living with your parents? Here are some tips you can use to make dating while living with your parents a little less uncomfortable.
#1 Ease into it. When you live at home while dating, it can be best to slow things down. If you lived alone, you may bring a date back to your place on date one or two, but if your parents will be hanging on the sofa, you’ll probably want to get to know this person a bit better.
Go on some dates in public. If you want more alone time, take a walk in a park or go for a drive. Once you can trust this person, you can invite them over. [Read: The best virtual first dates ideas to really get to know someone]
#2 Have them meet briefly. Before throwing your parents or your new boo into the lion’s den, have them meet first. Instead of inviting them for dinner, have them meet your parents briefly when they drop you off at the end of a date.
This will be a buffer for them to get the introductions out of the way before sharing a meal or spending more time together.
#3 Clue them in. Let your partner know you live at home. If they want to come over, they will be meeting your family. Let them know it doesn’t have to be a big deal, but that is the reality. Seeing their reaction will tell you a lot. Also, let them know how your parents are.
Will they pry and ask a lot of questions or politely say hello and let you have your privacy? If this is your first time bringing someone home, ask your parents about it. Let them know how you want things to go and what they require from you to be comfortable. [Read: These modern dating terms will help you master the evolving dating scene]
#4 Let your partner and parents know what you want. If you are casually dating someone that will be at your family home, let your parents know that you are keeping things casual. Let them know you aren’t looking for anything serious and would appreciate it if they would give you privacy and distance.
Same with your partner. If you are in a relationship, tell your parent(s) you’d like them to get to know your family and put in the effort to join them for meals or watching the game. Be upfront with your intentions. It is best to get it all out in the open so that there isn’t a misunderstanding.
#5 Set boundaries. Depending on your parents, yours, and your partner’s comfort levels you’ll want to set boundaries. It can be awkward to talk about. Trust me, the talk is way more comfortable than your mom walking in on you and your boo in a compromising position.
Talk about what is okay and what isn’t. Can your partner come over unannounced and let themselves in? Can they help themselves to the pantry? Do your parents need notice if they are staying over? Set some ground rules so everyone knows how it works. [Read: How to set healthy boundaries in your life]
#6 Own it. Many people are ashamed that they live at home, whether it is for financial reasons or just because you are close with your family. But if you aren’t proud to be living with your family, it will come off that way to the people you date. Don’t apologize for living at home. It isn’t embarrassing. In fact, it shows strength and common sense.
As a woman in her twenties, I’d say 80% of the guys I’ve dated in the last six years lived at home with their parents. When someone was ashamed of it, it was more of a turn off than someone who said, well I’m close with my parents so I don’t mind.
Even if I could afford to live on my own, I’d stay with my parents until I was moving in with a significant other. Of course, everyone has different relationships with their families and sees this differently, but finding someone who is on the same page as you is key.[Read: How to stop pushing people away and learn why you’re doing it]
It can be awkward to date while living at home. Hopefully, these tips for dating while living with your parents help you make it work.