If you love something, set it free is not something you’re hearing for the first…
A clingy girlfriend is a great girlfriend who either hasn’t got enough love or just wants more love from her boyfriend. Now is that really a bad thing?
Well, sometimes, it can be.
Why being clingy is never ever your fault
If you’re clingy, it’s usually your boyfriend’s fault because he’s the one making you feel insecure. And that in turn makes you want to hold him closer, which makes you more clingy. It’s a cycle, where one thing leads to another, and before you know it, the independent and life-loving girl that you were has somehow morphed into a clingy girlfriend who needs her boyfriend’s attention all the time!
BUT your present boyfriend may not always be at fault here too. Sometimes, you may start displaying the signs of a clingy girlfriend because of a past relationship where you were cheated on, or when you dated someone who broke your trust. And now, you need more assurances, more love and more security to feel happy in a relationship.
In a few other circumstances, it may be your childhood, where you were raised or around people you could never rely upon. You desperately kept looking for ways to get attention and feel secure. And now that you have a boyfriend, a guy you trust and love, you expect him to fill that void you feel inside you.
This insecurity you feel inside may lead you to seek codependent relationships. As good as a codependent relationship feels, it’s not healthy. And over time, it will only leave both of you feeling unhappy and claustrophobic in the relationship.
Can you stop being a clingy girlfriend?
Of course, you can! It just takes a little bit of effort, learning to recognize the signs of a clingy girlfriend, and knowing where to draw the line. And most importantly, you need to learn to love yourself. It starts with self-love. You can’t expect your boyfriend to give you the love, attention and validation you so badly seek to feel whole. You need to feel it from within! And we’ll show you how you can do that as you read on.
The biggest clingy girlfriend habits and how to avoid them
One boyfriend may absolutely love being attached at your hip, while another boyfriend may just want to hold hands for five seconds in a day. Does that mean one boyfriend is better than the other? Well, it all depends on your perspective of love and what you expect out of it.
When you enter a new relationship, it’s not easy to know how clingy or “attached” you have to be, with each other. And that’s why it’s so important to set healthy boundaries from the very beginning. By doing that, when you begin the relationship, you’d always know just how much is too much! Check out these 15 healthy boundaries to draw early on in love and make sure you’re following each and every one of them.
Understanding your boyfriend’s perspective on clinginess
If you’ve ever had one of those conversations with your guy where he hints or suggests you’re clingy, don’t panic. And for your sake, don’t give him the cold shoulder for being honest! Give it a thought, accept it, be surprised if you are, and use these clingy girlfriend signs to find out if you’re honestly overstepping the line anywhere.
You need to learn to see things from your boyfriend’s perspective. And then, you need to ask yourself if that’s something you’re okay with. And most importantly, if that is something you can fix. To begin with, let’s take a look at the signs of a clingy girlfriend. And as you read on, we can get to the ways you can avoid being the clingy one, and find ways to own your independence and experience a better relationship too.
#1 Space in a relationship.
This is the biggest clingy girlfriend trait that most guys despise. Do you give your boyfriend enough time to do his own thing? Guys love their space and they need some time by themselves, even if they’re doing nothing. It’s their way to unwind after a long day.
#2 You want to talk for hours and he doesn’t.
You may love snuggling up in bed and speak to him over the phone or text him for hours every night. Your guy may love doing that at the start of the relationship too. But as the relationship’s novelty starts to wear off and the love settles into a mature and happy zone, he may want to cut down on the time he spends exclusively with you. It doesn’t mean he loves you less. It just means he’s ready to get back to his normal life when he had other things to do.
If your boyfriend hints about wanting to spend less time talking over the phone, don’t force him to talk to you because that would mean you’re slipping into the clingy girlfriend territory. Instead, keep your calls short for a few days and hang up even before he wants to hang up. It’ll make him miss you more!
#3 You don’t have a life of your own and hate that he has a life.
Be honest with yourself about this one. Do you hate that he goes out with his friends, and you find yourself sitting alone at home and bored?
Go out with your own friends. Don’t always be waiting for him to make plans and take you out. Respect yourself and don’t be available at his beck and call. If you want to avoid getting a tag of the clingy girlfriend, make your boyfriend a part of your life. Don’t ever make him your whole life.
#4 You genuinely think everyone else, but you, are a bad influence on him.
Admit it, your boyfriend got along just fine with his own life until you came into it. You fell in love with him for the person he is before he met you. Yes, he may have a few bad friends. But instead of asking him to avoid all his friends because “you’re the only one who truly knows him”, help him learn from his mistakes by subtly revealing the flaws of a few friends when he’s bitching about them.
#5 Don’t always be the damsel in distress.
Guys love to play the part of the protector in the relationship. Ask for help and he’ll feel manly. But ask for too much, and he’ll just get annoyed. Learn to ask for help in the right way, and he’ll love you more.
#6 You’re insecure when he meets an attractive girl.
Do you ever feel insecure when he spends time with an attractive girl? Why? Are you afraid he’ll fall in love with her and leave you? You may be low on self-esteem because you’re not talking to any attractive guys yourself.
Go out there with your own friends and meet hot looking guys and have a flirty conversation with them if that’s what it takes to raise your self-esteem and feel good about yourself. You’ll soon realize that just talking to a sexy guy doesn’t mean you want to have sex with him. And you’ll probably start trusting your boyfriend more.
#7 You don’t like it when he spends time with his friends.
So your man prefers to spend time with his own friends instead of you? Why do you think he does that?
a. He may be spending enough time with you already. *or*
b. He may think you’re easily available for him whenever he wants you.
The only reason you feel lonely without him is because you don’t have anything to do besides hanging out with your boyfriend. Don’t be that clingy girlfriend. Have your own life and make him want to spend more time with you. Turn the tables around and he’ll trail you like a lost puppy.
#8 You think your relationship needs to be improved.
Guess what? Most relationships aren’t perfect. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, walk out of it. Don’t try to change someone to suit your needs because that’s not going to happen.
You may think that bringing up problems in the relationship all the time will make him a better man who can love you in a better way. Be honest and explain what you feel without losing your cool. Mention it in a clear manner without any frustrations. But don’t force him to become your idea of a perfect man by drilling him into submission.
#9 You’re very suspicious.
Just because he’s out with his friends or working late doesn’t mean he’s sowing his wild oats. Do you really think you can stop a guy from having an affair if he really wants to?
Men and women have affairs because they want to, not because they’re away from their partner for a moment. And if they really do want to have an affair, they’ll find ways to do just that. Your boyfriend loves you for who you are. Meeting one new attractive girl won’t make him think less of you. If there’s love in the air with you, he’ll know the right thing to do. He really doesn’t need a suspicious girl sniffing his underwear each time he comes home. And guess what, the more suspicious you are, the more he’d subconsciously want to cheat.
After all, you’re already certain that he’ll cheat on you, so he might as well get it done with and prove your point for you!
#10 You want to stay in touch all the time.
Let’s face it. All of us are different. You may want him to keep you updated on his life every hour or so, but does he want to do the same? Don’t push someone to do what you want. Explain your needs in a relationship, but don’t force it down your boyfriend’s throat.
You can call him every hour or so and tell him what you’re up to if you want. Call to keep him updated if you’re stepping out of the office to have coffee with a friend. But don’t ask him what he’s doing. Hang up within a minute or two.
If he gets the hint and likes these short calls to keep each other updated now and then, he’ll start doing the same too. If he’s not that kind of a guy, tell him a few times that it would feel nice to know what he’s up to now and then. If he doesn’t like it, love him for who he is or find someone else.
#11 You want his attention all the time.
Do you feel like you deserve his attention all the time, even if he’s busy talking to someone else, working on something or just relaxing by himself? Of course, you are his girlfriend. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his own interests.
Remember that both of you are two individuals who are in love with each other. You don’t own each other. Do you ever feel like you’re the only one making all the plans or trying to hold the relationship together? You may think you’re the savior and the martyr, while he may think you’re a clingy annoying girlfriend.
Keep yourself busy doing what you love and make him come to you. Be that perfect woman in his eyes and make him realize how much of a catch you are!
#12 You can’t accept the fact that his life doesn’t revolve around you.
Love makes the whole world go round. It can be frustrating to see that you are not the center of the universe in your man’s eyes. Instead of nagging about it, learn to make him want you and desire you more.
Do you get annoyed if he’s watching a movie and wants to call you back in a while? That’s probably because you’re too idle and have way too much time on your hands. Make him miss you by keeping yourself busy. If he sees that you’re not easily available for him, he’ll appreciate your time and love you more.
#13 You think he doesn’t love you half as much as you love him.
If you ever feel that way, you’re already displaying one of the biggest signs of a conga girlfriend. Unless you’re in a relationship where both of you want to spend every minute together, you need to take a step back and let him live his own life.
What makes you think he doesn’t love you enough? Is it because he doesn’t spend every waking minute talking to you? Talk to him about it and hear his reasoning for it with an open mind. If you feel like both of you have different priorities in love, rethink the status of the relationship.
While it’s a good thing to give him some space, don’t ever let him throw you around or make you feel second best. If he plans a date with you and breaks the date to go out with his friends, throw him out on the streets. If you truly respect yourself for who you are, you’ll never hear your boyfriend calling you a clingy girlfriend. It’s time you learn that it’s easier to dump a boyfriend who thinks you’re clingy than try to change him.
How to avoid being a clingy girlfriend
If you feel like you’re turning into a clingy girlfriend, and are seriously considering taking a step back and enjoying your own independence, here are a few powerful steps that can change you for good.
1. Realize that you’re hot stuff. Believe in yourself and respect yourself.
2. Work on your self-esteem. You definitely deserve him.
3. Be independent and make him want your attention. Play the damsel in distress only when necessary.
4. Be mysterious. Don’t be predictable and easy to read. An open book is boring. A sealed book with a sneak peek is always exciting.
5. Always make him want more. Never smother him or give him too much, too early.
6. Awe him. Let him see you’re hot stuff and he’ll want you more.
7. Read his behavior and try to understand him before he calls you a clingy girlfriend.
8. Respect yourself. No one has the right to treat you badly.
If you’ve ever been called a clingy girlfriend by your boyfriend, give these signs of a clingy girlfriend a serious thought. It’ll help you have a better relationship, make your boyfriend desire you more, and give you a life you’ll love!