Why Do I Push People Away? The Real Reasons Why You Always Do This

It’s normal to feel anti-social occasionally. If you wonder, why do I push people away, regularly, it’s time for a little soul searching.

We’re all surrounded by constant noise, demands, and pressures. It’s no wonder that occasionally you want to retreat into your shell and hide away from the world. It’s quite normal to feel this way. However, if you feel it on a regular basis, there might be a deeper reason. It’s time to delve into the question of why do I push people away for clear answers and helpful tools.

For instance, I often feel overwhelmed when I’ve spent time in crowds. I go home drained, so I want to hide away for the rest of the evening and recharge my batteries with a little Netflix. I think this is something many people understand.

However, it is different if you feel like you want to hide yourself away all the time. If that’s the case, you could be suffering from depression or general low mood.

I sometimes push people away. I’ll admit that occasionally I do it because I want the other person to run after me and lavish attention upon me… it rarely works. Usually, I end up pushing them away, only for them to take the hint and actually leave me alone.

[Read: Social anxiety to social butterfly – How to be less awkward]

Talk about backfiring.

I’m not suggesting this is the right way forward, because believe me, it rarely works, but there are many reasons why we generally push people away from us from time to time. By working out why you do it, you can reduce it, or find a better way to deal with the problem. After all, people will only be told to “go away” so many times before they think that you really mean it.

Why do I push people away? 7 possible reasons why

Your reason for pushing people away from you is personal to you, but there are a few common reasons too. By asking yourself “why do I push people away,” you can identify what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.

This isn’t a healthy habit to have, despite the fact that we all do it from time to time. Perhaps by doing a little soul searching, you can identify a healthier way to handle situations that arise. [Read: 15 signs you’re the one pushing people away and what you can do about it]

#1 You’ve had past negative experiences. It’s normal to try and protect yourself if you’ve had negative experiences in the past. For example, in a romantic situation, you might push someone away from you despite the fact you really like them. Someone getting close to you triggers the fear of being hurt again, especially if in the past you were badly taken advantage of or cheated on by a partner.

The only way to deal with this problem is slowly and carefully. Take your time, let the person in your life know that you’re dealing with past baggage if needed, and give yourself credit for attempting to get back out there. It might feel like a risk, and you probably want to run away and hide, but not everyone is the same as those you met in your past. [Read: How to trust again in 8 simple, uncomplicated steps]

#2 You feel like you’re becoming a burden. You might wonder why this is on the list, but you’d be surprised how often it actually crops up. If you have particularly low self esteem, you’re likely to feel like you’re not worthy of the time and attention of other people. In this case, you withdraw from situations or push people away, because you don’t want to burden them.

You are not a burden. You are more than worth the time and attention of everyone in your life. If you weren’t, they wouldn’t be around you!

If you’re asking yourself “why do I push people away” and this is your identified reason why, focus on your self confidence and self worth as a first port of call. [Read: 18 tips to start building self-esteem and winning in life]

#3 You want someone’s attention. Okay, I hold my hands up. I’ve done this a few times. I’ll admit it and I’m not particularly proud of it, but I don’t think I’m the only one either. Sometimes we push people away because we want them to prove to us that they want to be in our lives. It’s a dangerous game because it often backfires. Nobody is a mindreader.

In this case, focus on being more open and honest with your feelings and communicating them to the person in your life. By doing this, you won’t have to play games and risk them walking out of your life for good. [Read: People always leave you? Stop self-sabotaging your relationships]

#4 You lack energy. If you’ve been through a particularly tough time, it’s normal to feel emotionally drained. In that case, you might push people away from you because you just can’t be bothered to deal with them or the associated drama they might bring.

In this case, give yourself time to handle whatever is causing you to feel that way. Rest up a little. Once you’re feeling better, you’ll notice your tolerance and energy levels increase. [Read: Am I a bad friend? The bad friendship skills that push people away]

#5 You don’t want these people in your life. It could be that you’re deliberately pushing people away from you because you just don’t want them in your life.

There are better ways to handle this situation, perhaps a clean break or a better level of communication is needed. Simply pushing people away from you can cause confusion and emotional upset on their part. Regardless of why you don’t want them in your life, nobody really deserves to feel that way.

#6 You’re just stressed out. Apart from lack of energy, sometimes we push people away from us because we’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed. We have no clue how to deal with the situation. As a result, we hide in our own shell to ride out the storm. However, it’s probably far better to seek help from other people. They might actually be able to support you through a difficult time. [Read: Really quick stress busters to help clear your mind]

#7 You’re suffering from possible depression. If why do I push people away is something you wonder often, and you can honestly say that you’re feeling low and unsure of why, there is a possibility that you might suffer from depression.

If you believe this to be the case, go chat with your doctor. You do not need to feel this way. There is a lot of help and support out there. This is not something you must deal with alone and certainly not something you should simply live with.

In many cases, we push people away from us because we want to see if they care enough to come back. It’s certainly something I’ve done occasionally. This type of reverse psychology rarely goes the way we expect it. Nobody else thinks in the same way as you. We’re all unique, and we all interpret actions and words slightly differently.

Be honest and stop pushing well-meaning people away from you. Life is about relationships and connections!

[Read: The personality traits that define a social introvert]

Wondering, why do I push people away, is quite common. But understanding the reasons why can be quite complex. It’s time to do a little soul searching.