Ghosting was not always so popular, but it seems as soon as the idea of being a gentleman was gone so was dating etiquette. So why do guys ghost?
Ghosting is pretty much the act of ceasing all communication with someone out of the blue, mostly in the world of dating or virtual dating. So the big question is… Why do guys ghost? Did he meet someone else? Did he get bored? Is it forgetfulness, did they lose your number, or are they just a coward?
Yes, sometimes this is totally innocent and two people just lose touch. But more often than not, ghosting is the act, and guys are the culprit.
What ghosting feels like
The reason why guys ghost is so important because it leaves a lasting effect on the person ghosted. It is not the same as a breakup or fight. It is an open ended lingering feeling that leads to tons of self doubt.
Without closure or even the smallest goodbye or explanation the girl is left with no reason for why this guy stopped talking to her. And it leaves you without the ability to really move on. [Read: Understanding ghosting and how it impacts you]
Were you ghosted?
A lot of things fall under the category of ghosting. But a lot of things don’t. So before figuring out why a guy ghosted you, let’s make sure you were indeed ghosted.
If you have been chatting to someone on a dating app for a day or so and then they go silent, that is not ghosting. In my book if you are not off the dating app you haven’t really made enough of a connection to feel a loss. And if he hasn’t answered for 24 hours give him a break, people get busy.
But if you have been on even just one date and then nothing, that is 100% ghosting. And if you have been texting or video chatting or anything that would allow you to form a connection with this person and then nothing, that is ghosting. [Read: Calm steps to deal with the emotion of being ghosted]
These are not the reasons that guys ghost
Before you go wondering why do guys ghost, these may be the reasons we wish guys ghosted. It would make us hate them a lot less. Maybe it wouldn’t give us trust issues and make us feel a lot less crazy. But maybe .01% of the time are any of these reasons why guys ghost.
#1 He lost his phone or it broke.
#2 He is busy.
#3 Fearful of his feelings for you.
#4 He had an accident.
#5 Your number got lost.
#6 He died.
I know it may be hard to believe, but if you have ever been ghosted you know you have at least wondered if these excuses could possibly be realistic. And they are probably not, especially if he is still active online or worse… watching your stories and liking your Instagrams. That is called haunting and another crappy dating epidemic.
Why do guys ghost?
Although none of these reasons excuse someone from the disrespectful behavior known as ghosting, these are most of the reasons why guys ghost.
#1 He is lazy. When a guy is not interested or loses any interest he did have, he may just stop answering *I know so nice*. But he may not even see it as an issue. He may not even think that whatever you had requires an explanation. So in other words, he is just stupid and/or immature. [Read: The clues a guy is just playing you and using you]
#2 Fear. And not of his feelings for you. Rather his fear of confrontation. He simply does not want to put in the effort it takes to say something as simple as, “Sorry I’m not interested in continuing this, but I wish you all the best” or even, “Sorry I met someone else.”
As many guys, especially those who ghost, tend to think girls are crazy for asking a simple question. He is afraid if he says anything in regards to him no longer talking to you that you will lose your shit.
When really you might just say “Okay, thanks for letting me know. I appreciate that.” Or god forbid you say, “Oh okay. That’s surprising. Can you tell me why?” [Read: When a guy starts acting different – What you need to do about it]
#3 They want to keep things open for the future. Yes, this is super counter intuitive. Any guy who thinks this is the way to keep the possibility of something on the table is completely deluded.
It is true that guys think if they never really end things with you and just ignore you that when they reach out months from now, things will be cool. Since “technically” they never ended things, they believe they can pick up where they left off.
Even though in reality if a guy said, “Hey, sorry I don’t want to start anything right now, but maybe we could stay friends and see what happens down the line,” any girl would be 200 times more likely to be open to something in the future than after a ghosting.
#4 They don’t want to hurt you. Now this is a really funny one. Some guys who ghost actually believe they spare your feelings. I know, right? They think by ghosting they are being nicer than actually saying they aren’t interested.
Yes, it requires less of his time, energy, and communication, but it does absolutely nothing to make your feelings any less hurt. If a guy ends it with you you can start to move on. But if he ghosts, you sit and stew over what you did wrong or what you said or if something bad happened or if he will reach out eventually.
So any guy who thinks this is a good reason for ghosting is playing you and fooling himself. It is all about protecting him and not at all about protecting you. [Read: 18 ways to instantly spot a misogynistic woman hater]
#5 Uncertain about what to say. Yes, even some of the smartest bankers on Wall Street and slyest lawyers in DC do not know how to form a simple sentence. Guys seem to lose all reason when they want to end things. They really cannot send a simple text telling you they are no longer interested.
Instead they take days, weeks, or even months to continue ignoring you and hoping you’ll forget about them. Which we really should if you ask me. Anyone who ghosts is not worth your time or thoughts. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
#6 They don’t have time. Yet another reason guys ghost that makes no sense whatsoever. Although ending things, especially when it is still early on only takes at most 10 minutes, guys seem to think that is just too much time.
Yet my personal thought is that if you have time to use the bathroom, you have time to send a quick text. That is really all it takes.
#7 They don’t care. Well, is you’re wondering why do guys ghost, then this one is pretty self explanatory. But some guys just don’t care if you are hurt or confused. And some guys even get off on knowing you are thinking about them and wondering while they play you like a fiddle. Classy, huh? [Read: 15 shitty ways to lead a guy on, play dirty and get your revenge]
#8 You’re undeserving. Some guys who ghost may consider letting you in on their plan by slowly responding less and less. And then with one word answers and then not at all. Maybe they still open your Snaps, but then nothing.
They think they were obvious enough with their crafty clues that you get the picture.
#9 They have been ghosted. Unfortunately, revenge ghosting is a thing. Unlike most decent people who have been ghosted, like me, once you have been through that pain and confusion, you would never want anyone to go through that, especially at your hand.
But some guys who have been ghosted by a girl may think that you were going to do the same, so they beat you to the punch. It may not be that they wanted to pull a fast one, but they are genuinely afraid that it will happen again. They would rather put you through that pain than go through it themselves.
Of course this is wildly immature, especially when a guy thinks that by hurting someone else the same way he was hurt, it will make him feel better. I’d like to know how that has worked out for them.
#10 It is instant. In a time where literally everything from ordering a pizza to ordering a treadmill to burn off that pizza is instantaneous, they want their breakups to be as well. That again is no excuse, but in the world we are living in it really is no surprise.
Instead of thinking of something to say and risking a potentially less than pleasant conversation in their mind, it is officially over once they decided they are ghosting you. [Read: How to deal with having been ghosted]
#11 It has been too long. Let’s give some guys the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he really didn’t mean to ghost you. Maybe in fact he was super busy. Maybe he got a promotion, and his aunt was in the hospital, and his sister was giving birth, and he bought a house, and lost his wallet all in the same month.
Surely he had time to go to the bathroom within those 30 days, unless he is also suffering with severe digestion issues, but now that so much time has passed since he said anything he doesn’t know what to say.
Of course, he could just explain the situation, and then end it the right way or carry on talking. But he is a ghoster, after all.
#12 He has social anxiety. Okay, so this may be the best reason for why guys ghost on this whole list because it is legitimate. Social anxiety is super common in this crazy digital world. And talking to someone you like is hard enough, let alone telling them you don’t want to anymore.
Yes, usually ending things is as simple as a text, but for someone with social anxiety any interaction, both in person and online can be terrifying. But how are you supposed to know this unless he tells you?
#13 They are playing hard to get. And failing. Some guys think if they don’t respond for so long you will just fall at their feet for a “U up?” text. They truly believe that leading you on with silence will work to their advantage. Where do guys get this stuff?
#14 Being mean is better than being awkward. Yes, in this modern age, most of us have embraced being awkward. But some guys still cannot wrap their little brains around it. They would rather be a total snake than risk an awkward situation.
No one likes a break up. It is never fun for anyone. But the person being ghosted is surely having a much worse time than the guy who is happy that he didn’t look awkward. [Read: Why cushioning in dating is a big jerk move]
#15 He is garbage. I would say from personal experience than 98% of the time this is the reason someone ghosts. They may very well have one of the earlier reasons mentioned or even stockpiled a few. He is still a garbage human being, and you deserve so much better.
My advice when it comes to asking yourself why do guys ghost is to forget it. Guys who ghost are not worth one broken heart, one tear, or even one thought.