Resentment in Marriage: 15 Ways It Can Grow & Ways to Weed It Out

Marriage has ups and downs, but is your marriage based on fighting? That’s not showing your partner love. It’s time to get rid of resentment in marriage.

People like to think once you find someone you want to be with, it’s all downhill from there. But the reality is marriage comes with constant challenges, regardless of how much you’re in love. Life throws curveballs, and even the closest of couples can end up with resentment in marriage.

Resentment in marriage occurs when feelings aren’t discussed. It’s easy to get comfortable with your partner and forget about communicating actual issues together. What happens is these feelings build up inside of you until one day you wake up and feel resentment towards your partner.

Once you feel resentment, unless you address it, there’s a chance it can destroy your relationship. No one wants to see a marriage end over something that was completely preventable.

[Read: Spotting the signs of resentment in your relationship early]

15 ways to keep out any resentment in marriage

If you have feelings of resentment in your marriage, you’re not alone. But you can overcome it and have a happier marriage. Isn’t that what everyone wants? Here are 15 ways you can keep resentment out of your marriage.

By working on it, you’ll be able to move forward with your partner and feel genuinely glad you’re married. Where’s the love?

#1 There’s a difference between anger and resentment. See, there is a big difference, and knowing it may change things for you. Anger is an emotion that lets you know something needs to be addressed. And this emotion can be used to solve problems. Resentment, on the other hand, is when anger is unaddressed. It’s anger that’s been piled up inside of you for a long time. [Read: How to forgive someone – 15 ways to unburden your mind]

#2 Trust your feelings. Sometimes we doubt our feelings and emotions because we don’t think they are necessarily valid. But if you’re feeling a certain way, it doesn’t mean you’re too sensitive, or you’re overreacting. Your feelings matter, trust them.

#3 Put your marriage first. If you want to let go of resentment, focus on putting your marriage first. Letting go of resentment will take a lot of work; you’ll need to give your partner your full attention. This doesn’t mean you should quit your job, but make your marriage a priority. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]

#4 Therapy isn’t a bad thing. This doesn’t mean your relationship is on the brink of ending, and you don’t know what to do. Therapy is about finding the real problems in your marriage and looking at solutions. Having an unbiased observer look into your marriage will help you discover things you probably didn’t see yourself.

#5 Bring back communication. I cannot emphasize this enough. You need to communicate with your problem. If you’re feeling hurt about something they did or said, talk to them about it. If you feel resentment, tell them. Your partner wants to be in a happy marriage; they need to hear your feelings and concerns. That’s the only way you two can work on improving the relationship. [Read: 14 little steps to better communication in your relationship]

#6 Go on date nights. When we’re in long-term relationships, it’s easy to get lazy and slack on communication and connection. Date nights are, first of all, a cheaper alternative to therapy, and push you two to spend time with each other in a different setting then your home. Whether it’s going to see a play, a concert, or trying out a new restaurant, it’ll give you time to reconnect.

#7 Your partner can’t read your mind. Even though your partner knows you like the back of their hand, don’t assume they can read your mind. You always need to remember this and focus on communicating clearly to your partner. Life is busy and full of changes; your partner is not always going to be able to identify and deliver your needs.

#8 Bring out the “I” statements. Oh, yes. The “I” statement. Though you may be rolling your eyes, using “I” at the beginning of a sentence changes everything. If you’re addressing an issue to your partner, use “I” statements. This will avoid any petty arguments and will prevent you from shifting blame onto your partner.

#9 Learn to let go. This doesn’t mean you should ignore your feelings of anger or sadness; you shouldn’t. But let go of past situations that have become toxic for you. Resentment sits inside of you and festers. If you want to progress in your marriage, let those feelings go. [Read: How to release the anger and resentment you’re holding inside]

#10 Identify the resentment triggers. You need to look at what causes you to feel resentment. Does your partner rely on you to do all the chores? If so, this could very well be a reason why you feel resentment towards them. Really breakdown your relationship and identify the triggers. It’ll bring you one step closer to resolving the issue.

#11 Look at solutions. Sit down with your partner and communicate your feelings to them, and have them talk about their feelings. Once all the cards are on the table, think about effective solutions. What can you both do to let go of resentment in marriage?

#12 Physically connect with your partner. When you feel resentment, you push your partner away from you. It’s easy to shut them out, but that won’t solve the problem. Though you may be hurt, connect with your partner physically. Hold their hand, hug, kiss, whatever you feel comfortable doing. Having sex is also important for connecting with your partner. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches that’ll help you connect and feel loved]

#13 Make it a two-way street. You can’t be the only one working towards letting go of resentment. If there are things your partner does that hurts you, they need to be aware of it and work on their communication as well. As you know, marriage is a two-way street, and you need to be met half-way.

#14 Forgive. Resentment happens when you don’t forgive your partner for what they’ve done. Yes, you argued last week, but if you want to live resentment-free, forgive your partner and move forward. You can tell them what they did that hurt you, and give them the space to apologize. [Read: Here’s where to start if you want to improve your marriage]

#15 Remember, it takes work. When reading these tips, you easily read through them. But, remember these tips takes constant work on both sides. So, communicating your feelings one day and then not doing it the next isn’t going to help your marriage in the long run. If you want to let go of resentment in marriage, it’s going to take work.

[Read: The 13 secrets of a happy marriage that can make or break your relationship]

Like any married couple, you desire a happy marriage. Though no marriage comes without ups and downs, use these tips to keep resentment in marriage out of yours.