How to Tell a Girl You’re Not Interested in Her like a Gentleman

Wondering how to tell a girl you’re not interested in her? You don’t have to ghost her or be a complete asshole, just use these suggestions instead.

Listen, guys, it’s time to grow up. I’m saying this as a retired ghoster, it’s really not cool. You need to learn how to tell a girl you’re not interested in her. Don’t just ignore her.

I’ll be honest, I ghosted guys many times. It’s not like I really wanted to do it, but I was a pussy, plain and simple. I didn’t have the guts to tell them I wasn’t interested. Instead, I just ignored them. Is it nice? No. Does it show that I’m mature? Absolutely not.

Rather than just saying, hey, I didn’t really feel a connection or I’m not interested, I would drag these guys on for weeks as I developed the courage to reject them. Of course, that day never came so I ghosted instead. [Read: Prepare yourself for these consequences of ghosting]

How to tell a girl you’re not interested in her

Dating sucks. Okay, I actually love dating. But when you experience ghosting, it dampens your whole parade. You may have had an amazing date and spent a couple days texting, but now, someone new came along or you’re simply not that into her. Listen, that’s okay. These things happen. That’s why it’s called dating and not marriage.

Dating is all about meeting people and seeing who would be the best match for you when it comes to finding a partner. But the way you end a relationship is what truly shows the type of person you are. You know ghosting isn’t the way to do it, so learn how to tell a girl you’re not interested in her.

#1 You don’t have to like her. Here’s the thing, the whole reason why we ghost people is that we feel bad about hurting their feelings. We feel bad for them that we don’t like them. But you know that you have the right to not be interested in her and vice versa.

In essence, by ghosting her and emotionally dragging her on, you’re not giving her the closure that both of you deserve. Whether you’ve only gone on a couple of dates or hooked up a couple of times, you have the right to not be interested in her anymore. [Read: What is ghosting and how it affects you]

#2 Know that it’s over. Whatever it was that you had with her, you concluded that you no longer want that. Usually, we ghost people and those that we were kinda into, we text them again months later.

Don’t be that guy. Instead, know that you don’t want anything with her. By being firm in your beliefs, you can step up and tell her what you feel.

#3 Text her. Listen, you don’t need to go for a coffee in order to tell her you’re not interested in her. Now, if you were dating her for months, that might be a different story. But let’s be real, you don’t have to see her in person. You have an excellent alternative to ghosting, just send her a text instead. You don’t need to actually confront her, it’s just a quick message. Poof, it’s done. [Read: The worst things to say during a breakup]

#4 Make a clean break. Don’t have this prolonged dramatic saga of telling her you’re not interested. Listen, you don’t like her. That’s really all it is. And for the sake of everyone involved, it’s best if you do it as cleanly and quickly as possible. Treat it like ripping off a Bandaid. Sure, her ego will be hurt *maybe even her feelings* but dragging her along will only make this entire situation worse.

#5 Give a reason. Don’t give her an excuse as to why you’re not interested in her, give her a reason. Don’t tell her that your dog died or that it’s you and not them. Just give them a straight reason.

If you’re not interested in her, just tell her that you don’t feel the chemistry or connection that you need. You don’t need to be harsh, but be honest. No one can call you an asshole for being honest. Okay, she’ll still call you an asshole because her ego is shot, but you’re not an actual asshole.

#6 If she doesn’t understand, be clear. She may not understand what you mean when you say you don’t like her in that way. Maybe you weren’t straightforward enough or they may be too emotional. Listen, just be clear.

You don’t need to give her an hour explanation of what the difference between like and like is. Make it clear that you don’t feel the connection, and the best way to say this is by literally saying those words. [Read: How to not look like a dick when you break it off with a girl]

#7 Allow her to speak. You said what you needed to say, and let’s be honest, your opinion isn’t going to be changing any time soon. But that doesn’t mean she’s not allowed her opportunity to say what she needs to say.

Maybe she has nothing to say, but that’s not the point. Allow her the ability to express her feelings rather than just cutting her off straight away. Yes, you should be clean and quick with what you need to say, but she can respond and she probably will.

#8 Give her space. After that, give her space. She may be completely cool with it, and you’ll be able to carry on the conversation for a couple minutes until it dies off. Or, she may be really upset. Whichever happens, allow her the space she needs. Don’t try to suffocate her with apologies or hang around because you feel bad.

#9 Don’t text her. After you end the conversation, do not text her. Come on, just let her go. You already rejected her nicely. Don’t give her any idea the smallest hope of you liking her. You said what you needed to say, and now you need to allow her to move on. [Read: How to let a girl down easy without all the mess]

#10 Do you want friendship? Now, if you were friends and she told you how she felt, you’re obviously going to talk to her about it. But now the question remains, do you want to keep the friendship? This isn’t necessarily for you but rather for her.

She’s your friend, but she has feelings for you and that makes this messy. So, ask her what she’d like to do and then respect her wishes.

[Read: Legit reasons you’re not ready for a a relationship yet]

Come on, if you’re still ghosting then it’s clear you’re not mature enough for a relationship. It’s time to act your age and learn how tell a girl you’re not interested in her.