How to Stop Self Loathing Because You Only Get This One Life

Hating or loathing yourself, whatever you call it, robs you of your happiness. Learn how to stop self loathing and look forward to a brighter future.

I’m not going to suggest that learning how to stop self loathing is easy. It completely depends upon the reason for why you feel this way. Have you experienced a trauma in your life? Do you have very deep rooted experiences which date back to childhood? Do you have body image problems which force you to compare yourself to others?

These are all reasons which can sometimes force a person to have a very negative relationship with the most important person in their lives – themselves.

Do you regularly compare yourself to other people? When you look in the mirror, do you despise what you see? Do you pull yourself down, yet do your best to pull other people up?

Unfortunately, self loathing is a common element of the modern day. Living with it isn’t an option. When you fail to love yourself and fail to see how wonderful you truly are, faults and all, it’s impossible to really live a fulfilling life.

Only when you shed the layers of self loathing and open your eyes to the wonder and beauty of not only yourself, but life, can you really live with total abandon.

[Read: How to hone and increase your positive emotions in a negative world]

The 7 easiest ways to learn how to stop self loathing

The good news is that over time and with plenty of effort, self loathing can be conquered. Nobody said it would be easy. It will be worth it.

#1 Work out what causes you to feel this way. It’s possible that you don’t experience self loathing 24/7. It’s quite likely that much of the time you feel okay. In that case, what triggers trap you in self loathing?

A good way to identify these triggers is to keep a journal. No, you don’t have to go back to your teenage years of documenting your entire life. Simply keep notes on how you feel and what causes you to experience those feelings, e.g. what was happening around the time you experienced them. After a few weeks, you’ll notice patterns which will give you some clues on what action to take. [Read: These 14 easy mantras will help you transform your life]

#2 Learn to question negativity. Why does negativity have to win? Sure, the human brain is  hardwired to be negative as a default setting, but it doesn’t have to win out every time. A good way to learn how to stop self loathing is to identify when a thought you’re having is negative.

Challenge it and reframe it into something positive. The more you repeat this process, the more positive you will become naturally. When that’s the case, self loathing will become a thing of the distinct past. [Read: How to stop having negative thoughts that drag you down]

#3 Understand that self loathing isn’t fact. Self loathing loses its power when you realize that the negative talk you tell yourself isn’t actually a proven fact. It’s a feeling and all feeling ebbs and flows and then eventually drift away. That means that any thought you have which is attached to self loathing will also ebb and flow and drift away.

The problem is, it is normally replaced by another. In this case, part of learning how to stop self loathing is taking its power away by understanding the difference between truth and feelings. [Read: Feeling unlovable? 12 life changing truths you need to know]

#4 Spend time doing things you truly enjoy. Do you like going for long walks in the countryside? Do you love watching old movies? Does baking make you happy? Do you adore video games? Work out what you enjoy doing and do more of it!

If you can factor in some sporting activities into that to get more exercise and get your body moving, all the better! The more time you spend smiling and feeling good within yourself, the harder it will be for self loathing to take a hold and cause any major effect.

#5 Identify the happy people in your life. Look at your social circle, who are the people who are always smiling and who make you feel good? Spend more time with them! Positivity is truly infectious, so if you find that there is one person in your life who makes you feel good, someone who makes you laugh and who you always feel better around, ask them if they want to do something or spend time chilling out. [Read: 20 habits of incredibly happy people that can teach you more about happiness]

If you feel close enough to that person, you can also explain your reasons for asking; if they’re a good friend they’ll certainly oblige and this is one of the best ways to lean how to stop self loathing… build up a strong support network. [Read: How to deal with the attitude of a Negative Nancy]

#6 Be kind to yourself. If you’re stuck in a habit of self loathing, you’re probably rather unkind to yourself but pretty kind to everyone else around you. Ask yourself why. Why do other people deserve kindness and compassion, but you feel you don’t?

Have you done something terrible which causes you to be unworthy of happiness and love? No! So, turn the compassion you give to other people inwards and give it back to yourself.

How? By spending time doing the things you love, or simply identifying when you’re being hard on yourself and saying “no! I don’t deserve that,” and then reframing it to something kind and compassionate.

#7 Talk it out. Never underestimate the power of speaking about your emotions. When you talk about how you feel, the problem doesn’t hold the same power over you. You can unpick the situation and make sense of it. When you keep everything in your head, it takes up too much space and becomes muddled. It’s hard to think straight when your brain is full of noise and muddle!

By talking things through, either with someone you trust, someone impartial, or a therapist if you feel you need to, you’ll find a far clearer picture coming your way. Never be afraid to ask for help. Admitting that you’re struggling and that you want to learn how to stop self loathing is one of the most brave and powerful things you could possibly do. [Read: The signs an unhappy person is living behind a happy smile]

We live in a cruel world

Of course, we live in a world which isn’t particularly kind. In that case, it can be hard to understand why you deserve kindness when everyone else is being cruel. The bottom line, humanity has forgotten what it is to be human. To be human is to be loving and kind to those around us and to give ourselves the same love and attention back.

It’s not possible to be happy in a situation where you’re constantly pulling yourself down. How can you expect to go for the opportunities you want in life or do the things you dream of? How can you expect to attract love into your life if you can’t love yourself?

The journey away from self loathing and towards self love can be long for some people, depending upon the deeper cause. Long doesn’t mean impossible.

[Read: Here’s how to stop hating yourself and learn to love yourself instead]

Learning how to stop self loathing is something you should focus on right now. Do not waste a second more of your time disliking yourself or wishing you were someone else.