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How to Get to Know Someone Over Text and Build a Real Connection

Learning how to get to know someone over text is an important skill if you want to expand your social circle and romantic life.

Understanding how to get to know someone over text without making the wrong impression or boring the life out of them is all about thinking outside of the box. Basically, be you!

Technology for the win

Technology has made meeting new people far easier than it ever used to be. Can you imagine having to approach someone in a cafe or bar and actually having an in-person conversation? Mortifying!

Texting and messaging is the shy person’s godsend when it comes to cultivating a social and romantic life. There are pitfalls to avoid and things you must know if you want to really get to know someone properly.

Not really knowing what to say and how to say it could lead you towards a few texts which are left unanswered, or you simply run out of things to say. [Read: Here’s how to start a conversation over text]

How to get to know someone over text in 11 easy steps

To help you out, because I’m aware this isn’t the easiest of tasks in the world, let’s check out 11 hacks on how to get to know someone over text. Help yourself become a social butterfly, or grab that crush you’ve had your eye on for a while!

#1 Just be yourself! This first pointer might sound ridiculously obvious, but it’s the most important of them all! Remember, you’re not just getting to know them, you want them to get to know you too. They can’t do that if you’re putting on an act! Be genuine, be yourself and don’t apologize for it! [Read: How to be yourself and unfake your life]

#2 Be creative. Do not simply ask how they are and leave it at that! Be creative with your questions and come up with something which will leave them smiling and wanting to carry the conversation on.

Surely you’ve had those text conversations which have run out of steam. The “hi, how are you”, “good thanks, you?”, “good too, thanks” are over. Then what? Boredom, that’s what!

#3 If you’re going to flirt, do it very subtly. If you’re trying to impress someone while also getting to know them, you might want to flirt a little. This is fine, but dial it down. You’re not trying to charm them here, you’re trying to actually find out about them and get to know them.

A few flirtatious comments here and there are fine, but keep them light. Save the rest for later, when you know each other better! [Read: How to subtly flirty with your crush with these questions]

#4 Ask questions, but don’t act like you’re interrogating them! The best way to get a conversation started is to ask questions, and it’s also the best way to keep that conversation going. Having said that, you don’t want to make them feel like they’re sitting in a chair with a torch in their faces, undergoing an interrogation on potential spy charges!

#5 Remember to offer up information about yourself too. You need to remember that learning how to get to know someone over text isn’t one way thing, it works both ways. Offer up some information about yourself too. That means they can get to know you in return. [Read: How to keep a text conversation going when you have nothing to say]

#6 Never text late at night. You might think it’s perfectly okay to have a conversation while chilling out before bed, but we all know that late night texts have another meaning too – the booty call. If that’s not your intention, keep your texts to regular time slots!

#7 Ask interesting questions about their life and interests. Make sure your questions have some depth to them. Ask them about their hobbies, the things they’re interested in, their life, and the experiences they’ve had. This will help you understand them on a deeper level and keep the conversation going. [Read: 30 all-around good questions to ask people for a better connection]

#8 Remember to inject some humor. Text chats can become samey. Always remember to add some humor into your conversations. Silly games like “would you rather” will ease the tension and allow you to get to know them well and quickly! [Read: 15 fun games to play over text and connect with each other]

#9 Always keep it light. Your texts should be something they look forward to, not a chore they must answer. Keep your texts light, chatty, and nothing too heavy. Nobody wants deep and meaningful over text.

#10 Avoid questions with weight to them. The biggest rule of knowing how to get to know someone over text is to avoid questions which have a lot of weight to them. This means anything to do with politics, religion, culture, sexuality, or anything else which is slightly sensitive. These conversations are best in person. You don’t know them well enough yet and they may take offense.

#11 Avoid assuming this is going anywhere. Yes, you’re getting to know each other, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to end up best friends or dating one another. Learning how to get to know someone over text all comes down to feeling the waters and finding out whether you want to spend actual time with this person or not.

It also gives you something to look forward to when your phone beeps. Keep it light, and avoid questions about the next step. [Read: How to ask someone if they like you without embarrassing yourself]

How to evaluate your success

With these tips, you’ll quickly get to know that new person in your life. Hopefully, it will move on to chatting in person. Of course, you might find that you don’t like this person much at all. That’s the downside of trying to find out whether you want to get to know someone! They might also decide that they don’t want anything more to do with you. A tough one, that’s for sure, but something which may happen. [Read: Texting before a first date – A guide to do it right]

Not everyone manages to click with another person, and not everyone turns out to be quite how we expected. If your texts dwindle and you’re not feeling the same connection to actually get to know each other anymore, that’s fine. We’re not meant to be best friends or lovers with everyone who crosses our path, either in person or via text!

When it comes to knowing how to get to know someone over text, it’s probably more difficult than getting to know someone in person. Yes, it’s easier in some ways, because you don’t have to actually have embarrassing conversations in front of them, but there is a huge margin for misunderstanding when it comes to messaging.

Tone of voice, body language, speed of speech, these are all things we miss when we write a message. You might say the message in your head in one way, but when the other person reads it, they might interpret it in a totally different way. Understanding that misunderstandings can happen is vital in this situation too and they work both ways.

[Read: How to not be a boring texter and keep anyone interested]

Learning how to get to know someone over text comes down to being innovative, thinking outside of the box, and keeping your hopes out of the situation. Getting to know someone means there is a risk, but isn’t it worth the risk? 

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