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You don’t expect to feel lonely if you are in a relationship. After all, one of the pluses of having a partner is companionship, right? But there are ups and downs in every relationship and feeling a loss of connection can leave you feeling very isolated.
It can happen before you realize what’s going on—gradually, over time, you have less time for each other, less to say, less true connection.
So, what can you do about it? Turning your phones off and having a face-to-face conversation is a positive start. You need to create the opportunity to work on the deeper issues of your relationship.
If you are in a relation, yet feel lonely, take these steps to change the situation.
1. Is Love Still There?
Relationships start with love, but if you’re feeling a deep loneliness, it’s time to ask if there’s still love in your heart. Think of how you felt back at the beginning. Maybe write down what it was like. Look into your heart and see if even a bit of that love is still there.
2. See What is Hiding Your Love
Often, love can get overshadowed by judgment, fears or sadness. See if you can work out what has happened to dim your love. Are you or your partner harsh or critical of yourselves and each other? Try to be as objective and kind as you can, without blame. A counselor can provide a safe, supportive place for you to do this if you find it difficult.
3. Don’t Feel Guilty
Try not to blame yourself for feeling lonely. Relationships change over time and need attention and care to blossom. Acknowledging how you’re feeling is never a bad thing.
4. Check your expectations
Nowadays, people are constantly bombarded with unrealistic portrayals of relationships. Everyone on social media looks happy and fulfilled. Nobody posts photos of arguments, disappointments, or hard times. Movies and TV tend not to show the small attentions, patience, and kindness that is necessary to allow relationships to flourish.
Manage your expectations and cut yourself and your partner some slack. Practice a mindful approach to your relationship, paying attention to what’s good in your life right now.
5. Share your feelings
Healthy relationships thrive on being able to share openly and honestly. Resist the temptation to blame, but be straightforward, and tell your partner you’re feeling lonely.
Give them the opportunity to comfort and reassure you and allow you to reconnect as a couple.