13 Signs of Self-Loathing & the Damage It Can Cause in Your Life

Sometimes we beat ourselves up over small things. But if you’re doing this all the time, it sounds more like the signs of self-loathing.

Self-loathing is pretty serious and can prevent you from achieving your goals and dreams. That’s not something you want – it’s not something I want you to experience either. Though knowing the signs of self-loathing isn’t as easy as it looks.

There’s this feeling of heaviness and worthlessness hanging over you. Even if you do something right, it was only a fluke. Of course, you couldn’t have done something positive. You’re a failure at everything you touch, right? Well, we all know that’s wrong. Even you, deep down, know that’s not right.

The 13 darkest signs of self-loathing mindset

There are moments where we’ve all experienced the signs below, but what really counts is the frequency of these feelings. If you’re feeling worthless, stupid, and pathetic every single day, well, then this is something serious. But if you made a mistake and feel stupid, but get over it within a couple of hours or after a good night’s sleep, then this is something most of us experience.

[Read: Sabotaging your happiness – 12 ways you’re ruining your own life]

If you think your feelings lean on self-loathing, it’s time you identified them and treated them. Because the reality is you are good enough.

Let’s get through the self-hate and learn some self-love.

#1 You say sorry for everything. Even when you’re not sorry. How Canadian of you. But in all seriousness, a strong sign of self-loathing is the need to apologize for things that are out of your control. Though it sounds like a small thing, when you apologize for every little thing, it reduces your value and makes you look insecure. [Read: How to overcome insecurity and reclaim power in your life]

#2 You feel like the victim. We all have moments when we think to ourselves, why me? And yes, it’s okay to have those moments, but there’s a fine line between a little self-pity and self-loathing. When something doesn’t work out, immediately, you feel victimized. Feeling like a victim will not help you progress.

#3 It’s all about tough love. When you inspire other people, you use the tough love approach. Your parents or grandparents may have used that approach, but listen, it’s outdated. Being hard on yourself may be seen as a motivating factor, but in reality, you’re reducing your self-esteem and creating self-doubt. [Read: How to let go of the past and be excited by the future]

#4 You isolate yourself. Listen, wanting to stay at home doesn’t mean you’re self-loathing. But if you experience other signs of self-loathing plus the need to isolate yourself, it is a sign of self-loathing. You stay away from social events, and if you are invited out, you feel it was done from pity.

#5 You have low expectations. How Drake is this? The whole, “I set my expectations low so I don’t get hurt” gig. But listen, setting low goals for yourself or the people around you doesn’t stop you from getting hurt. You’re not honest with yourself, and by setting low expectations, you’re saying to yourself that you’re not worthy.

#6 Defeatism. You frequently have negative thoughts about yourself. “There’s no point, I’m never going to make it,” or “I suck at this,” or “This will never work out for me,” are some examples of defeatism. Talking to yourself as though you’ve already failed are serious signs of self-loathing, and something you to reconsider. [Read: How to stop hating yourself and learn to love all of yourself]

#7 You use social media to receive validation. I think we’re all guilty of this, to be honest. We want other people to think we’re attractive, funny, and smart. When it comes to social media, the feelings of validation are enhanced, as we continue to chase attention and likes. Though you may think social media is giving you a self-esteem boost, it’s doing the opposite. 

#8 You focus on the times you were wrong. We all make mistakes, but you only focus on those moments. In reality, you also make many good decisions; I mean, you’re still alive and breathing, right? You can’t be right all the time, and there will be occasions where it’s going to bite you in the butt. But that’s the thing about life; you can’t always be on a high. [Read: Here’s why you shouldn’t be afraid of failure]

#9 You’re scared to experience love. No one said falling in love was easy… it’s terrifying! You’re opening yourself up to someone without knowing what will happen. Rather than diving in, you’re scared to fall in love because you feel flawed and imperfect. The good thing is that everyone is flawed; you’re not alone.

#10 You struggle accepting compliments. When someone genuinely gives you a compliment, you have a hard time accepting it. You’ll squirm awkwardly and uncomfortably say thank you as if you don’t believe it. If this is the case, why do you struggle with receiving compliments? It’s time to reflect on this if you want to stop self-loathing.

#11 You sabotage your relationships. Maybe you started dating an amazing person or made a new friend, but instead of nourishing the relationship, you sabotage it. You don’t want people to get too close to you. Why? Because you’d rather end a relationship yourself than be surprised if they decide to end it. [Read: How to be emotionally stable and find your zone of calmness]

#12 Drugs and/or alcohol abuse. When you experience self-loathing, it can be hard to emotionally accept yourself as a failure *which you’re not; this is only in your mind*. Self-loathing can push people to use drugs and alcohol as a way to handle their feelings of shame and hurt. [Read: How to gain confidence and turn your life around for the better]

#13 You’re jealous of others. You constantly think about how other people are better than you. By doing this, you put yourself down and prevent yourself from accomplishing your dreams and goals. You’re not the same as the people around you, and vice versa. Stop comparing yourself to them.

[Read: How to take positive steps when you find out you’re self-loathing]

How do you feel about self-loathing? Do you feel your experiences match the signs of self-loathing?