11 Rules for Getting Back Together with an Ex & Protect Your Heart

You want to get back together with your ex *you’re not the first one*. Before you do, learn the rules for getting back together with an ex.

You’re not the first person who wants to get back with an ex. Even I have gone back to an ex. It’s just a part of relationships. Regardless of the reason for your breakup, you want them back. But should you? If you do, follow these rules for getting back together with an ex and protect your heart.

If you’ve decided you want your ex back, you’ve made it through the first step. The hard part comes after this decision. Your relationship already broke apart once *or twice* before. Now, if you want a strong relationship, it’s time to move past the problems from the past.

[Read: When your ex wants you back – Is it what you want and need?]

Must-know rules for getting back together with an ex

But this is hard, I’m not going to lie. I know you want things how they were, but your relationship will never be what it once was. Now, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s a part of life. If you want this relationship to last, it’s going to take some serious work. But, if you want them back in your life, it sounds like you’re willing to put in the effort. [Read: Why slow and steady is the key when getting back with an ex]

So, if you want your ex back, before running into their arms, there are some rules you should follow. You don’t want another breakup. Trust me, for your heart’s sake, learn the rules for getting back together with an ex.

#1 Think about it seriously. You need to think about whether this is a good idea or not. I know you’re emotional right now, but you also need to think with your head. How was the relationship? Were you genuinely happy? More importantly, what made you break up in the first place? If it was something serious, like cheating, then you need to really think if this is the right person for you. [Read: How to repair the damage when you’ve been cheated on]

#2 You both need to want it. Getting back together isn’t going to work unless you both are invested in making the relationship work. If one person is less enthused than the other, then why even get back together? The second time around isn’t going to be any easier than the first. In fact, it’s probably going to be even harder. So, make sure you both want this.

#3 Treat the relationship as brand new. I really mean this. Yes, you have history, but if you want this to work, you’re going to need to leave the past in the past. The next time you fight, you cannot bring up things that happened in the prior relationship. If you want this to work, you can’t make the same mistakes twice. This is why it’s crucial you think about why you broke up. [Read: 15 revealing questions to know if you should even be talking to your ex]

#4 Take it slow. I know you’ve already dated them before, but this doesn’t mean you should just jump into things again. No way. Rather, take it slow, real slow. Whether you broke up last week or three years ago, you need to get to know each other again. They may have changed, and you may have changed. Plus, if you treat it as if you’re picking up from the last relationship, you’ll probably end up down the same road.

#5 Let go of the past. If you want this to work, you can’t hold on to the things they did in the past. Let it go! If you’re wanting them back, even if they cheated on you, you’ll need to let it go. Now, I personally wouldn’t go back if they cheated on me, but if this is what you want, you can’t hold it over their heads. You’re making the decision to be with them again, drop the past.

#6 Create boundaries. Ah yes, my favorite: boundaries. I know the idea of creating boundaries sounds horrible, and I somewhat agree. But we need them! If you’ve learned from the past, then you are well aware of the boundaries that need to be implemented.

For example, if you spending too much time at work was a reason for the breakup, then you need to commit to reducing the amount of time you spend at work. It’s about compromising. [Read: How to show respect and better love in your relationship]

#7 What do you want from this relationship At some point, you need to think about what your goal is from being with this person. Why are you going back to them? How do you see this relationship forming in two years? Five years? You need to discuss the relationship seriously and what you’re expecting from it. Otherwise, it’s pointless to get back together.

#8 Learn how to communicate. You’re probably thinking you know how to communicate, but you don’t or else you’d still be together. Most of our issues in a relationship stem from either a lack of communication or miscommunication. Either way, figure out what’s not working in this aspect. Are you letting everything bottle up inside of you? How do you express your feelings?

#9 Focus on intimacy. This is always a problem for couples who are disconnected. For whatever reason, there was a disconnect in your relationship which led to your breakup. You both need to agree to focus on intimacy in the relationship. This isn’t just about sex, it’s more than that. It’s kissing, hugging, touching, laughing. Just experiencing connection.

#10 Always be honest. It’s hard, I know, but if you’re not honest with your partner then who can you be honest with? From this point on, you need to make the decision of whether or not you’re going to practice honesty. If you’re not willing to, then this isn’t the right person for you. But, if you decide to be honest, you’ll see your entire relationship change for the better. [Read: The non-negotiables in relationships you shouldn’t compromise on]

#11 Be patient. Your relationship isn’t going to be perfect overnight. You share a past, so you’re going to need to work on the issues which led to your breakup. Plus, to get to a good place in a relationship, it takes time. You are going to have to reconnect again and build the trust that was lost.

[Read: Does your ex still want you? How to decode their deepest desires]

If you want a successful and happy relationship with your ex, follow these rules for getting back together with an ex. They’ll help you make sure things go smoothly this time around.